The Dark Cloud

It is so hard to believe that the first of day of November is this weekend. I mean did 2009 fly by or what? Of course, 2009 has not been the best of years for me personally, but when I look back on the happenings in Kelly's World a lot of emotions wash over me. But, even through all of my losses, there were always accomplishments along the way. And it was definitely a rollercoaster ride the entire time!

And now we are down to 3 weeks and 1 day to the end of the Biggest Loser contest at work and I have to admit that I am so ready for this contest to be over and and done with! The pressure over the past 17 weeks has absolutely drained me mentally (all the while pushing myself to the brink phsyically!). Sometimes I feel like that scale over in the other side of the office rules my world and the black cloud of "gotta show some weight loss this week" hangs over me- choking me to death! It is scary how much I think about that scale and how watching its numbers daily will drive a person insane... What I have discovered is that a woman's body can fluctuate up to 5 lbs in just a few hours... is it the inaccuracy of the digital scale? Is it the sodium intake I just consumed with breakfast? Is it the 35 ounces of water I just drank? Did I not sweat out enough of the 35 ounces I drank before boot camp this morning? Have I gone to the bathroom today- if so, how much? It is questions like those that continue to run over and over in my head, day in and day out. It's not only about calories, carbs and fat- it is also intake of more fiber, less sodium, less sugar, more protein, lots of veggies, less caffeine, always eat a carb with a protein, drink more water, drink less carbonated sodas (of any type), less portions, more small meals, take my vitamins, watch my blood sugar, take care of my blisters, keep my toe nails short, get enough sleep, plenty of exercise, and on and on and on. Oh, and somewhere during all of that- work your full-time job, be the best wife I can be while taking care of the household duties, preparing/cooking all of the meals (within the above guidelines!) and still have time to.. what? Live life to the fullest? Enjoy hunting season? Enjoy the holidays? Spend time with family and friends? Christmas shop? Plan our next trip? Blog? Keep up with all of my friends on facebook? Watch my old TV shows? And somehow on top of all of that above, I used to deal with an Alzheimers-stricken Grandmother and all of her issues...Wow, I do not know how I do it... I am amazing. Period.