Why?

I am kind of between a rock and hard place tonight. I had a conversation with my Grandmother’s sister this evening in which she informed me that the new Director at the assisted living center (where my Grandmother resides) has approached her wanting to discuss my Grandmother’s current condition. So I made a phone call to one of the assistant managers (I know her from my childhood) to find out what was going on before I call the new Director tomorrow. (Of course, I think that if the new Director has an issue to discuss about my Grandmother, she should call ME.) I talked to my “friend” for over 30 minutes about my Grandmother and to sum it up, she seems to think she has really gone downhill a LOT the past few weeks. I felt like I was defending my Grandmother’s mental and physical capacity the ENTIRE conversation! I agree that her ability to put together words into a sentence has been a real challenge recently. And I agree that she can be confused pretty often. But, she is still HERE mentally. She still knows who she is and who I am. She cannot call out names but she recognizes family and friends that are in her life often. She droned on and on about how my Grandmother keeps forgetting how to go the bathroom, how she can hardly feed herself anymore, how she misses the chair every time she goes to sit down, etc. I was practically fighting tears by the end of our conversation especially after she said, “Kelly, you are in a tough, tough position and I cannot tell you what to do about her”. Really? Because I do not know what to do about her either! How does any body know what to do with their 80 year old Grandmother with Stage 2-3 dementia and glaucoma so severe that she is almost legally blind? She does not bother the other residents, she just tears up her own stuff in her own apartment and then forgets that she did it… and then tries to blame “those people” that came in there and did it! This is nothing new for me… she started this over 2 years ago! And now they want to move her to the “other side” of the place where the severe Alzheimer’s folks are and that would just KILL her… I cannot even imagine the consequences I would endure from her if they make us move her over there. She hates that side because she feels like a prisoner behind locked doors. The really severe residents on that side sleep all day in the TV room and drool on themselves. They have no clue who they are and where they are. I spent several days with her on that side when we first moved her in almost two years and it scared the crap out of me! I talked with one of the floor ladies tonight and she was telling me the same stuff as the first one! She thinks that my Grandmother would get more care and more of the attention she needs over there… I am at a loss at this point. I now have the black cloud of more burdens on me and I do not know what in the world to do. I keep asking Why? And the answers never come… Will there ever be peace in the world dementia? Probably not.