Saying Goodbye...

I am staring at this blank Word document and just do not know where to begin…

A lot has happened since my last blog post as most of you already know. My Grandmother passed away late last Saturday night after not eating or drinking for over three days. We had finally managed to get my father up to see her on Saturday afternoon and I truly believe that was what she was waiting on since all of the rest of the family had already made it there to be with her in the last three days. Her condition was still the same as the day before just less and less responses to my voice and touch. Hubby and I came back to see her again that Saturday evening around 8pm- we spent 30 or so minutes with her. I remember telling her that we were staying at her house again that night and would be back to see her the next morning and how much we loved her. She died two hours later. We were back there by 11pm and then had to endure the hospice coming in and pronouncing her, destroying all the leftover meds, and then preparing the body for pickup. And then the funeral home came in, gave me their instructions, etc. and then together with hospice they did the final preparations and took her away. I seemed to be floating around the entire time just trying to take it all in- watching them destroy the thousands of dollars of pills and those precious glaucoma eye drops, listening to the preacher talk about happier times, watching my brother breakdown at her bedside once he got there, watching them zip the body bag with her in it, listening to the funeral director instruct me on her burial outfit and how to transport it, and then being left with the mound of paperwork in hand once they leave with her. And all of that by 2am!
And then we had to be back at the funeral home by 10am to set up the arrangements. I am sitting at this table with the funeral director and my mother answering a thousand or so questions when I realize that never in my life did I ever think that I would be planning someone’s funeral… Not at my young age at least. And then my father and his wife show up and his input only makes the setting of the arrangements even harder. All in all, the meeting was a lot easier than I thought planning a funeral would be. Of course, I am sure that if her death was a sudden one, that planning would have been a lot harder. I spent the next couple days on the phone- seriously- the phone did not stop ringing. The amount of emails, text messages, Facebook messages and phone calls was overwhelming. There were a few times that I almost turned the phone off just to be able to get something else done- at least that is what Hubby kept threatening. I kept going through my phone list trying to make sure that I did not miss some distant family member and I am here to tell you that I AMAZED at how many folks STILL do not understand the concept of dementia- or the fact that you CAN die of it- or at least from the complications that result from advanced stage dementia. The weather during all of this was horrible too- the rain and storms just kept coming. We were trying to get her house and yard in order just in case someone dropped in. The visitation was Tuesday night- lots of folks that I have not seen a really long time came to pay their respects. I did really well on the “try not to cry” rule of mine until one of my Grandmother’s older friends started talking about “have no regrets” and all… Why is there always one person in the bunch that insists on upsetting the surviving family members? I just KNEW someone was going to do that- it never fails. Afterwards, we went out to supper in town with a group of my old buddies and how nice it was to catch up with them!
The funeral was late Wednesday morning and the weather actually cooperated! I had struggled for the few days before trying to pull together the pallbearer list, but it all worked out in the end. The service was wonderful, my Grandmother’s cousin played her favorite- Amazing Grace on the bagpipes at the graveside and then we had the most delicious lunch at the Church afterwards. You should have seen the spread of food these good folks from her Church put on! I just could not get over how much food was there. When we made it back to the house, all of the flowers and plants filled the den- had to sort them out- one to each Church, one to the Assisted Living, one to the Caregiver, one to Hospice, my mother, my father, and us. And then we had to sort the dishes folks brought to the house… it just never seemed to stop. We finally made it back to the city late that night since both of us had to go back to work. And now the large task of sorting her affairs is on the horizon- Lord help me with this arduous task- I am going to need it. Hopefully, closing and transferring accounts and settling the estate will go as smoothly as possible. I just hope the family members involved want to cooperate and help this transition go as easy as possible too. We shall see…