Saying Goodbye...

I am staring at this blank Word document and just do not know where to begin…

A lot has happened since my last blog post as most of you already know. My Grandmother passed away late last Saturday night after not eating or drinking for over three days. We had finally managed to get my father up to see her on Saturday afternoon and I truly believe that was what she was waiting on since all of the rest of the family had already made it there to be with her in the last three days. Her condition was still the same as the day before just less and less responses to my voice and touch. Hubby and I came back to see her again that Saturday evening around 8pm- we spent 30 or so minutes with her. I remember telling her that we were staying at her house again that night and would be back to see her the next morning and how much we loved her. She died two hours later. We were back there by 11pm and then had to endure the hospice coming in and pronouncing her, destroying all the leftover meds, and then preparing the body for pickup. And then the funeral home came in, gave me their instructions, etc. and then together with hospice they did the final preparations and took her away. I seemed to be floating around the entire time just trying to take it all in- watching them destroy the thousands of dollars of pills and those precious glaucoma eye drops, listening to the preacher talk about happier times, watching my brother breakdown at her bedside once he got there, watching them zip the body bag with her in it, listening to the funeral director instruct me on her burial outfit and how to transport it, and then being left with the mound of paperwork in hand once they leave with her. And all of that by 2am!
And then we had to be back at the funeral home by 10am to set up the arrangements. I am sitting at this table with the funeral director and my mother answering a thousand or so questions when I realize that never in my life did I ever think that I would be planning someone’s funeral… Not at my young age at least. And then my father and his wife show up and his input only makes the setting of the arrangements even harder. All in all, the meeting was a lot easier than I thought planning a funeral would be. Of course, I am sure that if her death was a sudden one, that planning would have been a lot harder. I spent the next couple days on the phone- seriously- the phone did not stop ringing. The amount of emails, text messages, Facebook messages and phone calls was overwhelming. There were a few times that I almost turned the phone off just to be able to get something else done- at least that is what Hubby kept threatening. I kept going through my phone list trying to make sure that I did not miss some distant family member and I am here to tell you that I AMAZED at how many folks STILL do not understand the concept of dementia- or the fact that you CAN die of it- or at least from the complications that result from advanced stage dementia. The weather during all of this was horrible too- the rain and storms just kept coming. We were trying to get her house and yard in order just in case someone dropped in. The visitation was Tuesday night- lots of folks that I have not seen a really long time came to pay their respects. I did really well on the “try not to cry” rule of mine until one of my Grandmother’s older friends started talking about “have no regrets” and all… Why is there always one person in the bunch that insists on upsetting the surviving family members? I just KNEW someone was going to do that- it never fails. Afterwards, we went out to supper in town with a group of my old buddies and how nice it was to catch up with them!
The funeral was late Wednesday morning and the weather actually cooperated! I had struggled for the few days before trying to pull together the pallbearer list, but it all worked out in the end. The service was wonderful, my Grandmother’s cousin played her favorite- Amazing Grace on the bagpipes at the graveside and then we had the most delicious lunch at the Church afterwards. You should have seen the spread of food these good folks from her Church put on! I just could not get over how much food was there. When we made it back to the house, all of the flowers and plants filled the den- had to sort them out- one to each Church, one to the Assisted Living, one to the Caregiver, one to Hospice, my mother, my father, and us. And then we had to sort the dishes folks brought to the house… it just never seemed to stop. We finally made it back to the city late that night since both of us had to go back to work. And now the large task of sorting her affairs is on the horizon- Lord help me with this arduous task- I am going to need it. Hopefully, closing and transferring accounts and settling the estate will go as smoothly as possible. I just hope the family members involved want to cooperate and help this transition go as easy as possible too. We shall see…

The Road Long Traveled

The call came in yesterday afternoon while I was in a long meeting at work. I did not get the voicemail until almost two hours later. My Grandmother had been non-responsive all day yesterday. She just slept all day in a deep slumber and the caregivers could not awaken her to eat, drink or take her meds. I called my Mom and she went over there after work to try herself. They tried everything to get some sort of response out of her- even putting ice cubes on the bottoms of her feet! And they got nothing…
The hospice on-call nurse arrived late yesterday evening and after not being able to even detect a blood pressure reading he declared, “it is time”… I get this tidbit around 9pm last night- and that just sends me into overdrive. I go on a packing and preparing frenzy- wash clothes, iron shirts, cook supper, clean kitchen, pack clothes, shoes, linens, landscaping tools, laptop, snacks and try to spend time with the dog in between. I finally crashed at midnight after all of above and having successfully called boot camp and work to tell them I would not be there this morning.
I did not sleep well at all and woke very tired. Showered and loaded up vehicle in record time and hit the road.
When I saw my Grandmother this morning (after only 5 days since my last visit) the difference in her physical appearance was most rattling again. She has bones jutting out all over her little body! Her eyes are wide open staring upward and her mouth is just gaping open and the loud sound of her breathing just makes me wonder if she is struggling to get enough air. Both ladies that care for her are with me and I grab her hands and call out to her, “Memaw! Memaw it is me, Kelly!” and her eyebrows actually raise up! And both hands quickly squeeze mine just for a second. Both caregivers are in shock… I keep calling out to her and talking to her and she only responds sporadically with eyebrow movements and quick hand movements. It is almost like her mouth and eyes are paralyzed or something. I went by several times today to see her in between all of the yard work projects my brother, Hubby and I worked on at her house all day. I pretty much got the same responses all day- but, by this evening she seemed to try to say something but her mouth would not do anything more than stay gaped open. I talked to her over and over and assured her that everything was okay. Of course, I know that without food or water she will not last long. But, any ability to eat or drink is now gone. The lines of communication are gone. The capability of functioning on any level is gone. And soon she will be gone… My heart is filled with sadness this day.

Score!

Since my Grandmother is now on an "ensure" and smoothie diet, they are trying to get 3 to 5 cans down her a day....And well, that is about 21 to 35 cans per week! And even though I just delivered last Friday six 6-packs of those precious Target-brand "Nutritional Drinks" (ensure knock-offs about $3/pak cheaper), I made another ensure run yesterday after work. And can you say "SCORE!" ? I landed TWELVE 6-packs yesterday in one store!! How awesome is that? I usually find only 2 or 4 on the shelf or none at all. I was definitely on a lucky streak last night!!

Honeysuckle Season

Has anyone noticed the honeysuckle vines blooming lately? It seems to be every where right now and it smells SOOO good! I smelled it last week in the park where we boot camp in the early hours of the morning. I smell it when I go see Sampson over at our good neighbors house. I smelled it many, many times this past weekend back home in the country.
When I was a child, we would pull the blooms off the honeysuckle vine and pull the flower out to eat the small drop of "honey" in it... just what the bees are always after! That little drop of sweetness was so good to a child's taste buds. Of course, I would never do it now. Lord knows what kind of chemicals are layered on the blooms these days...

Home Cooked Memories!

Hubby and I made a trip to the local vegetable stand this afternoon for some homegrown goodies. We bought lots of delicious things and then came home to start the pot roast I told Hubby I was going to cook him for his work lunches this coming week. I decided to cook the pint of pink-eyed peas I bought at the stand and several ears of the white corn. I pulled out my old pressure cooker that my Grandmother gave me when I bought my first house. I set up the peas with bacon bits and set it to cook. About twenty minutes later, Hubby comes flying in the office to inform me that the pot of peas is going crazy in the kitchen. I just laugh and say that is what they are supposed to be doing! He must not be used to someone cooking in a pressure cooker- guess that is a sign I should be cooking more food in it more often, huh? Well, a little later I went to the basement to grab the clothes out of the dryer and when I came back into the main level of our house, the delicious smell of the peas cooking just filled my head with so many childhood memories of my Grandmother’s home smelling just like that for so many years and my heart just longed to be in her kitchen again. I told Hubby that the smell of our supper cooking smelled just liked my home with my Grandmother when I was growing up and how much I just love that smell. Needless to say, the meal was as delicious as I remember hers being back home. My heart is smiling!

One Day At A Time...

I left work early on Friday with our dog Sampson in tow. I had taken him to work with me in the early hours of that morning… he did well at the office and during the 2 hour ride to my hometown. We arrived on time at the house where my Grandmother stays these days with her Caregiver. When we walked into her room there, her physical appearance surprised me… I could not believe how different she looked from just two weeks earlier when we were last in town. She was lying in the bed eyes wide open and staring up at the sky it seemed with her mouth gaping open. And she looked so frail and gaunt… she seems to be wasting away before my eyes- I think to myself. We call out her name and she comes to, words jumbled and mumbled and her eyes are now straight ahead but not exactly looking at US. The Caregiver tries to feed her a sandwich and has to repeatedly tell her to open her mouth, chew the food, and swallow the food and so on. She manages to get about two bites down her and gives up on the solid food and moves onto the Ensure supplement drink. She no longer uses a straw since she bites it and won’t let go. She gets it down sip by sip. And then she dozed off… her pattern seems to be mostly dozing or sleeping and then awake when spoken to or stimulated by bathing, eating, etc. Watching her that morning and then watching her again that evening confirmed that she is much worse than just two weeks ago. I went back to see her on Saturday morning and again for several hours that afternoon. She pretty much stayed in the bed dozing or mumbling… her speech is gone, but she still recognizes me by name and voice. Of course I am concerned about the fact that she is living off Ensure drinks. And the fact that she is pretty much in the bed all day now. We are heading back down there this Friday until Sunday do work on the land, do some clean up at her house and visit with her too. I called the Preacher and her best friend and told them that it was not good… I really cannot say how much longer she has….
And then there is our beloved dog… I took him the Vet back home on Friday afternoon for a second opinion. He wound up staying overnight and the verdict is not good. His spleen is full of cancer, which is driving his white blood cells high, and his red blood cells low causing him to be severely anemic. The mass in his spleen is pushing against his GI tract making it hard for him to digest food. His blood is thin, his temperature is high and he has a severe case of congestive heart failure. And now because all of the above makes him not want to eat, his body mass is consuming itself for nutrition. Poor Sampson! He has the saddest eyes you have ever seen. It is just depression all around in our household right now…

My heavy workload right now at my job is also weighing on me and taking its toll. Along with the ongoing drama with the psycho neighbor and a certain family member, I am just about ready to de-nail my fingers! I am graying by the minute for crying out loud…
I did tell Hubby this morning that when this is all over, I want to go the beach and just sit. No schedule, no worries, no plans, no nothing… just us and a cooler of cold drinks in the sun next to the ocean. We shall see if that ever happens…

My Merry-Go-Round Is Outta Control!!

I feel like I am on a merry-go-round that is spinning out of control and everyone is falling apart around me!
That is exactly how I felt today... dealing with all of the dog's ups and downs these past two weeks has been traumatic enough and now my Grandmother has stopped eating. That was the first phone call of the day after I spent a chunk of my morning taking the dog over to the good neighbors for the day. The phone call took another chunk of my day as I listened to the Caregiver plow through all the details of my Grandmother's latest behaviors. It is as if she has forgotten "what to do" when food or drink is spooned into her mouth- almost like the wire between her brain and her jaw to chew is gone as well as the wire to her esophagus to swallow. Besides the fact that the Caregiver is dealing with her own son in ICU and juggling that with my ever-downward-spiraling Grandmother, she is all stressed out. And her stress just adds to my stress... again, there goes that darn merry-go-round!
Hubby had decided to try and get Sampson an appointment at the Vet's office back home for sometime Friday afternoon- I would just take a 1/2 day off to take him down there and Hubby would just meet me there after he left his work site in Alabama that afternoon since we already planning on a trip home this weekend (and we missed Mothers Day wkend!). Well now that the Caregiver has continuously called me with more and more unfavorable reports on my Grandmother this week, I have pretty much decided that maybe I should just take the whole day off and go spend some time with her too. I will just have to take the dog with me...
I am also struggling to balance all of the above with my heavy work load right now at the office.... trying to juggle three diffferent projects and deal with outside drama and trauma just does not sit well with me. And let's not forget about the ever-ongoing drama with the cable-hating-drama queen next door.... that whole ordeal has me practically running into the house everyday when I park in the driveway just so I won't have to see or hear her....
Again, when will this merry-go-round ever stop? And then tonight a letter came in the mail from a neighbor back home with a picture of us on Christmas Day with my Grandmother... I just teared up when I saw it. That was the day we moved her out of assisted living and in with the Caregiver because "it was time"... it is so hard to believe that was almost five months ago! Where does time go when my world is so darn chaotic?
One bit of good news: Sampson stayed home with us last night since Hubby came home from Alabama... we actually got him to eat pizza crust with us while enjoying the Biggest Loser finale. He seemed much more upbeat last night but is definitely still not quite his old self. He did have another little accident while he slept through the night- fortunately this time he was on the hardwood floor and not the carpet! It's the small things that make me happy...

Latest Cable Drama Update

When will the torment end? No time soon it seems...
After the neighbor's call a couple of weeks ago, Hubby and I just decided to let it go and see what happens- we agreed that there is no need to keep worrying about what she might or might not do... and if she does have our cable line cut after her self-imposed deadline, then we will just call the cable company and have it hooked back up. Well, one night last week after work I found one of those door hanger info tags on our front door from the cable company informing us that they had come out to service our cable and needed to get into our home to complete the work. Hubby contacted them the next day and never received a call back- again, we just let it ride since we did not call them out in the first place. Well guess who calls Hubby this past Friday... yep, you guessed it- psycho-neighbor lady. She wanted to let us know that since the cable company never relocated our cable lines off "her" pole this past week that she was having it disconnected on Monday (today). Needless to say, the call wound up being another ugly ending one- I am just so glad that Hubby has decided not to take any more crap from her. Well, Saturday afternoon we receive a phone call from the cable company- they are following up on our service call scheduled for Monday (today) from 2pm-5pm to repair our service. I tell them that there is nothing wrong with our service and that we did not schedule for them to come out for any repairs. But, I have an idea of WHO did! I explain the situation to the lady with the cable company and we realize during that phone call that the neighbor must be calling up and acting like she is us and scheduling service work on our lines! Didn't I say psycho lady earlier? Who in their right mind would impersonate their neighbors to get the cable company to come out? Besides the fact they were told to come and "fix" a damaged line when she really wants them to "relocate" their lines. We discussed any options on getting service to our house without utilizing her pole- any thing to get the heck away from her at this point! So they set up for a maintenance crew to come out Monday (today) to look into bringing the service into our home a different route. I voiced my point again that we would NOT be there when the maintenance crew came out- not this time- they are on their own! Well, how surprised were we when a cable company bucket truck came rolling down our driveway yesterday! Yes, on Mothers Day Sunday at that! The very nice older gentleman wanted to check out the lines and such and after investigating the situation and the layout of the property he concluded that our lines could not be relocated- that per code, the cable lines have to follow the power lines and that is exactly what they are doing now. After explaining the timeline that has occurred since this all started in 2004, he said that he was going to have his highest supervisor get in touch with the neighbor and explain to her that there is no other option. I told him that they better have tough skin. He also said that if she touched their lines that it is a felony and she would be in some serious trouble. (Is it awful for me to wish her to do it just to be punished??)
So today is Monday and who knows what is going down today with the cable lines and/or the psycho-neighbor. What I do know is that I better not miss the finale of the Biggest Loser tomorrow night because she decided to pay some riff-raff electrician to cut our cable and she better not call or show up at our home tonight wanting to start something. We shall see what tomorrow brings....

Current Health Update… Another Day in the Life of the Kelly Show

Well my nephew went to see the orthopedic doctor last week and turns out the broken arm is actually a broken shoulder! How crazy is that? And the fact that he is seeing the same doc as my Grandmother (who went in last time for a so-called broken shoulder) is even wilder!
I have only talked with my Grandmother one time this entire week… major cloud of guilt hanging over my head on this one… however, this week has been so jam-packed with craziness between work and all the other dramas in my life that I just have not found the time in her available hours of 10am-5pm to make the calls… I do know that the Caregiver finally discovered what is making my Grandmother not want to eat any thing (she is constantly scrunching up her face and saying “Yuck” to every thing lately)… it is the UTI meds the doc put her on! So they changed her meds and now she is eating normally once again… I love it when the planets line back up for her…Ahhhhh….On a difficult note, however, she has been having some nightmares (out loud) that the Caregiver has witnessed upon waking her in the mornings this past week… the topics always involve family members’ from her past- way back in her childhood years… very eerie to experience some of things she says according to the Caregiver… I am not in the least bit surprised… I remember some of these same relatives from when I was a small child and they scared me too even then!
Well today is Mothers Day and we opted to stay home today to tend to our poor doggie, Sampson. He actually did really well on Friday and seemed almost his old self all day yesterday. But, this morning brought on a very, very sick dog…. We woke to an almost paralyzed-like animal that pretty much has not moved much at all today. He did disappear at one point and Hubby found him lying in the middle of the creek drinking and yakking… over and over. At some point he came out of the creek and lay up onto the ivy embankment. He just moaned and groaned with every breath just like he was having trouble breathing. We finally got him up onto the driveway and then the shivering started and he was almost lifeless-like. We finally carried him into the garage onto a makeshift bed and that is where he has been all afternoon and tonight. Hubby has been staying with him most of the day. Hopefully, tomorrow will bring him strength and a burst of healthy energy so he can enjoy another good day with us. Say a prayer…

Another Eventful Weekend!

Sounds like this past weekend was an eventful one... I was in Denver for my company's Annual Conference which started with a 6:30am flight on Friday morning... Had the clock set for 4am and still did not manage to make to 4am since our dog woke me up at 3am puking all over Hubby's bathroom floor. Yes, our dog is not doing too good these days... I am deeply saddened since he is only 10 1/2 years old and I just lost my dog only a short year or so ago.. I really do not think I can take another doggie passing so soon. Sampson has had this ongoing breathing condition for months now that just kept getting worse. At first the vet said it was allergies and the next time they said his heart is enlarged and he seems to have congestive heart failure. They kept him overnight on diuretics to remove the fluid off his heart. He seems to be moving around a lot slower now since all that started. Well, he got sick again last week to the point where he was practically unresponsive when talked to or petted. Now the vet is saying he is severely anemic. He has also stopped eating for the most part. Hubby bought him a flat of wet dog food and he seemed to eat that over the weekend but as of last night he has stopped again. Of course our neighbors (the good ones) are devasted over this too since Sampson stays with them half the time. I do not want to even think about our life without the Warrior since he has been our "child" throughout our entire marriage and courtship before that. He is such a great companion and always provides us such entertainment. He woke us up again this morning around 3:45am gagging up stuff on our bedroom floor... All we can do is pray..
In the meantime, my 9-yr old nephew Austin managed to wreck his motorcycle this past Sunday on the farm... they didn't found out until yesterday that he broke his upper arm and now he is scheduled to go see the same orthopedic doc my Grandmother goes to! Since the break is so high there really is no way to put a cast on his arm... very odd. Oh well, no motorcycle riding, no fishing, no hunting, no nothing for the little daredevil- and that is what hurts him the most!
My Grandmother did not have a good weekend either- her ongoing unhappiness with everything, her constant negativity and her neverending refusal to do anything the Caregiver asks of her is just wearing them thin. She hates everything food-wise they give her, she tries to chew up her pills now (which of course taste awful) and everytime they touch her to bathe her or change her bottoms she screams like they are beating her. I am really beginning to think she has reverted back to her terrible 2's again... I am planning to go see her sometime this weekend for Mothers Day... but, that will be another blog topic later...;-D

Just Another BIG Reason To Get The Heck Outta Dodge!

Guess which drama queen strikes again? Yep! Our crazy old psycho neighbor is back to her old tricks again. After that whole show-down in our driveway last month (see THIS BLOG), I was confident we were safe from her anti-cable company antics for a long while... WRONG. Last week I received a voice mail from her informing me that the power line on her house was damaged by our cable guy when he worked on our cable (over 7 weeks ago mind you!) and that she was having a private contractor come repair it. Oh and she also also wanted to tell me that while this so-called contractor was there she was also going to have him disconnect our cable line off "HER" pole and have him them roll it up to the street and leave it. (This is her way of "getting back at that comcast").. her message continued on about how comcast won't address her issues because she is not a customer of theirs (duh!) and how she is just notifying us that we will not have cable/internet after May 8... How nice of her to "notify us" and give us the complimentary/neighborly heads-up- you freaking psychopath! I am SO over this woman and all of her cable-hatred driven drama!! Why cannot she just live out her retirement years in peace and leave her nice working neighbors alone? I am really starting to think she is just looking for some attention... So I called Hubby (who was outta town at his job site) and let him know the latest drama with the fruit-loop next door... I assured Hubby that I would NOT address this issue with her now or ever again- it is his turn! Besides, my sky-high level of anger towards her is not healthy and having to deal with her would only make matters worse for all of us. Well..... Hubby tried to contact the cable company and never got a response before he decided to just confront her directly (by phone). He asked her what was going on to which she responded that our cable guy had pulled her power line off her house... yadda yadda yadda... Hubby said that they were out over 7 weeks ago and she is just now discovering the loose connection? He told her that it could have been like that for months and she just did not see it... she of course automatically blames the cable man (who never touched the power lines or her house for that matter- besides that fact that the power lines are about 8-10 ft above the cable lines on the pole). He tries to explain to her that she cannot remove items off of a public utility pole and that there are hefty fines associated with it (including possible jail time)... she won't listen. He tells her that the pole is not "hers" and it the property of the power company... to which she says that it is MY pole since it is on MY property! He tries to reason with her and she just refuses to listen... she says that she "has" to take care of this cable company issue (of course, we really do not understand WHAT the issue is... except that she thinks their lines should not be on "her" pole).. Again, can you say psychopath?? By the end of the call, she tells Hubby that she just "cannot deal with that cable company's crap anymore" and he responds that "well, we cannot deal with your crap anymore"... and proceeds to inform her to never ask us for another favor in the future if this is how she wants to deal with her so-called "problem"... and then he hung up on her. Wow. For my Hubby to end the call on that note and hang up on her... just Wow. You go boy!
Well, since I was in Denver from this past Friday to Sunday, Hubby stayed home and worked in the yard (between rain storms) and fortunately never saw her! How uncomfortable would that scenario be? I personally think he should have carried a weapon for back-up protection... just in case... Oh well, I guess her self-imposed "deadline" is this Friday the 8th... thankfully Hubby will be in town and I guess if she gets her "private contractor" (who is her son by the way) to cut our cable on Friday or over the weekend, we will just have to call the cable company and have them come out and hook it back up. And hopefully we do not have to be there this time to "deal" with the stand-off that will happen between her and them once again for the cable re-installation.
Of course, Hubby is banking on her crying Wolf and not doing any thing. Personally, I am wondering if she is having her son do it for her Mother's Day gift... again, psychopath!!