Monday, March 24, 2008
Happy Allergies
What is up with the crazy weather these days??!! After a mostly HOT weekend, especially in the afternoons, today has been mostly windy and pretty darn chilly! And then not once, but TWICE did I see snow flurries falling outside from my office windows!! SNOW! And it was only in the low 40's at the time of the "snowing"... VERY odd weather if you ask me. Weather.com claims that the temperature will be down to 28 degrees tonight too... I better pull out one of those sweaters I just put up in my Spring cleaning this past weekend....I finally got over my bout with the flu mid-late week last week only to roll right into fully flared-up allergies! Yes, I am on large box # 4 of Kleenex and my poor nose is SO red and sore. I am contemplating inventing some sort of contraption to hang a box of Kleenex from my body somehow so I can carry it around with me all season! It seems only right... my nose has been running like a faucet for over a week now and I am SICK of it. I did finally get my Allegra prescription and am taking it like clockwork. I will say that my eyes have pretty much stopped watering today after an entire weekend of it but the sniffles continue...
Friday, March 21, 2008
Happy Easter
I thought this was very fitting for this holiday weekend that is upon us now... Happy Easter everyone!!
ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
A ll work and no play can make you a basket case
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Some body parts should be floppy
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.
ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
A ll work and no play can make you a basket case
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Some body parts should be floppy
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Things I Have Learned Top Lists
In all of my spare time while hanging out at the hospital those 12 really long days with my grandmother, I came up with a list of Top Things from my overall experience. I spent so much time trying to remember things to list on it that by the time we got back to her home, I came up with a list of Top Things from my time at the assisted living facility! So here goes:
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED DURING MY STAY AT THE HOSPITAL:
1) The hospital cafeteria is not open for breakfast on the weekend.
2) Memaw says that the iced tea tastes just like water.
3) Parking places are few here… scoring a parking spot in the front lot is a miracle.
4) Using too much hand sanitizer dries out your skin.
5) Extended use of a bedpan rubs ones bottom skin raw.
6) Laying in a bed all day and all night tends to rub your elbows raw with sores.
7) The Coke Zeros are cheaper in the gift shop than the Vending Area.
8) The nursing staff in the 4 South nurses station LOVE McDonalds apple pies.
9) The man next door to us loves to yell at his TV.
10) Old people think the hospital is a hotel and that nursing staff is full service minus the tips.
11) The biscuits in the cafeteria are only $.25 each!
12) They have cable and free wireless here! It is almost like a hotel…
13) Pull-up diapers are the best invention EVER when trying fool an elderly person into thinking they are wearing underwear.
14) The nylon recliners have wheels and make it hard to turn over in a horizontal position without rolling.
15) It is not possible to put up bed rails without waking up the patient.
16) Patients do not think twice about yanking an IV out of their arm.
17) There is a really loud train that passes by the hospital about 5 times a day- so don’t keep the window open.
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED DURING MY STAY AT THE ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY:
1) Old people tend to be crabby about 99.9% of the day.
2) Every one here LOVES ice cream.
3) The staff here is underpaid.
4) The staff just loves my grandmother.
5) My grandmother seems to be one main source of the staff’s entertainment.
6) Old people seem to forget to flush very often.
7) The residents will FIGHT for the $1 prize at Bingo.
8) They really do use the push buttons here for “I’ve Fallen And Can’t Get Up”
9) Bedtime here is around 7:30pm… Yikes!
10) Old people just love young people.
11) Meals around here are like clockwork.
12) If the kitchen serves any one item different than what is on the menu, certain residents FREAK OUT.
13) The sweet tea is really, really sweet.
14) Walkers and wheelchairs are an accessory must-have.
15) Walkers with tennis balls crammed onto the bottom of the legs are very trendy too.
16) Residents enjoy breakfast food for breakfast AND supper.
17) Old people are always cold so the inside of this place is REALLY hot.
18) Old ladies are addicted to getting their hair “set and styled” and “colored” or “permed”… They usually go to the beauty shop about once a week and that is the only time they wash their hair too!
19) Some residents play their televisions so loud you can hear it 5 doors down the hallway.
20) Boxes of Kleenex are on every horizontal surface in this facility- probably because every resident needs one in their hand(s) at all times.
21) Some residents randomly walk the halls at night because they think it is morning time…
22) Old people think they know EVERY thing and will argue about any thing.
23) God bless the staff that work with these folks every day.
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED DURING MY STAY AT THE HOSPITAL:
1) The hospital cafeteria is not open for breakfast on the weekend.
2) Memaw says that the iced tea tastes just like water.
3) Parking places are few here… scoring a parking spot in the front lot is a miracle.
4) Using too much hand sanitizer dries out your skin.
5) Extended use of a bedpan rubs ones bottom skin raw.
6) Laying in a bed all day and all night tends to rub your elbows raw with sores.
7) The Coke Zeros are cheaper in the gift shop than the Vending Area.
8) The nursing staff in the 4 South nurses station LOVE McDonalds apple pies.
9) The man next door to us loves to yell at his TV.
10) Old people think the hospital is a hotel and that nursing staff is full service minus the tips.
11) The biscuits in the cafeteria are only $.25 each!
12) They have cable and free wireless here! It is almost like a hotel…
13) Pull-up diapers are the best invention EVER when trying fool an elderly person into thinking they are wearing underwear.
14) The nylon recliners have wheels and make it hard to turn over in a horizontal position without rolling.
15) It is not possible to put up bed rails without waking up the patient.
16) Patients do not think twice about yanking an IV out of their arm.
17) There is a really loud train that passes by the hospital about 5 times a day- so don’t keep the window open.
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED DURING MY STAY AT THE ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY:
1) Old people tend to be crabby about 99.9% of the day.
2) Every one here LOVES ice cream.
3) The staff here is underpaid.
4) The staff just loves my grandmother.
5) My grandmother seems to be one main source of the staff’s entertainment.
6) Old people seem to forget to flush very often.
7) The residents will FIGHT for the $1 prize at Bingo.
8) They really do use the push buttons here for “I’ve Fallen And Can’t Get Up”
9) Bedtime here is around 7:30pm… Yikes!
10) Old people just love young people.
11) Meals around here are like clockwork.
12) If the kitchen serves any one item different than what is on the menu, certain residents FREAK OUT.
13) The sweet tea is really, really sweet.
14) Walkers and wheelchairs are an accessory must-have.
15) Walkers with tennis balls crammed onto the bottom of the legs are very trendy too.
16) Residents enjoy breakfast food for breakfast AND supper.
17) Old people are always cold so the inside of this place is REALLY hot.
18) Old ladies are addicted to getting their hair “set and styled” and “colored” or “permed”… They usually go to the beauty shop about once a week and that is the only time they wash their hair too!
19) Some residents play their televisions so loud you can hear it 5 doors down the hallway.
20) Boxes of Kleenex are on every horizontal surface in this facility- probably because every resident needs one in their hand(s) at all times.
21) Some residents randomly walk the halls at night because they think it is morning time…
22) Old people think they know EVERY thing and will argue about any thing.
23) God bless the staff that work with these folks every day.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Always Appreciate the Simple Things
In all the time that I have spent with my grandmother these past two weeks I have learned so many new things just by simply watching her… witnessing her actions… listening to her words… and storing all of these memories and ideas into my mind for future reference…. After the Neurologist told me on Wednesday that her brain function has slowed down drastically to a Level 5 (versus a Levels 9-12 for normal brain function), I realized that this “slowing” explained a LOT of why she is doing was she does now. At first, it made me really sad and sorrowful for her and I would wish that I could make it all better for her. But, the truth is there is no going back now… there is no way to reverse the effects of brain shrinkage, slowing, or damage…. It only gets worse as time goes on… So instead I dwelled on the simple everyday things that she no longer remembers any more… the day-to-day activities that we do each and every day without a thought in the world about them… how we just “do” them and never, ever think about “doing” them… Or how no one ever thinks about “what if” I could not “do” these things for myself any more again? Well, that is what she is up against now… now that she is back in her home and out of the hospital and trying to get her life back to the routine she was in before she left for the ER on March 1… Yet, she is home and there are still these daily activities that are so precious to you and me but to her she has now forgotten how to do them.
A few examples that she has lost the ability to do: Button or unbutton clothes, tie her shoe laces, use dining utensils, wipe, dial, answer or hang up phone, make a bed, fold clothes, operate a sink, flush a toilet, read a clock, read or write, use a zipper, forget where your pockets are, put toothpaste on toothbrush, etc.
As normal brain functioning humans, you and I do these simple activities day-in and day-out and never once stop and think about how fortunate we are to be able to perform these tasks with no problem whatsoever. Yet, for her the function to remember to do it is gone and the function to know how to do is gone as well. It breaks my heart each time she would get ready to do a simple task as going to the bathroom and would be sitting on the toilet and would ask me what to do next once she finished “going” in the bowl. You see the brain current that tells her to wipe next is simply not there anymore. And then sometimes she won’t remember to pull up her underwear before her pants or to flush the commode when she is finished or even where the commode handle is to flush the commode. Another example is that when she stands in front of the sink to wash her hands, she stares at the sink because she cannot remember how to turn the faucet on…. Sometimes in the middle of the night she will wake up having to go the bathroom and she just sits up in the bed and stares out into the night because she will not remember where the bathroom is… the list just goes on and on. I guess I never realized how bad she was even when the Neurologist told me that she is now categorized as “Stage 3 Dementia”… I got a reality check of it though when I stayed with her in her home for 3 days this week. My grandmother is not the same person she was before she was hospitalized. I still do not know for sure what happened to her during her hospital stay from March 1 to March 12. All I do know is that she forgot all about her home, her stuff, every body but her immediate family (just 4 of us), etc. Those things that she was so uptight and passionate about before are not even a faint memory to her now… she has not even asked about her jewelry, her house, her bills, nothing. In a way, her situation frightens me to some degree but in other ways it is somewhat calming to me. This past two weeks have in a way molded me into understanding that she is alright now and when her time comes it will be alright too.
A few examples that she has lost the ability to do: Button or unbutton clothes, tie her shoe laces, use dining utensils, wipe, dial, answer or hang up phone, make a bed, fold clothes, operate a sink, flush a toilet, read a clock, read or write, use a zipper, forget where your pockets are, put toothpaste on toothbrush, etc.
As normal brain functioning humans, you and I do these simple activities day-in and day-out and never once stop and think about how fortunate we are to be able to perform these tasks with no problem whatsoever. Yet, for her the function to remember to do it is gone and the function to know how to do is gone as well. It breaks my heart each time she would get ready to do a simple task as going to the bathroom and would be sitting on the toilet and would ask me what to do next once she finished “going” in the bowl. You see the brain current that tells her to wipe next is simply not there anymore. And then sometimes she won’t remember to pull up her underwear before her pants or to flush the commode when she is finished or even where the commode handle is to flush the commode. Another example is that when she stands in front of the sink to wash her hands, she stares at the sink because she cannot remember how to turn the faucet on…. Sometimes in the middle of the night she will wake up having to go the bathroom and she just sits up in the bed and stares out into the night because she will not remember where the bathroom is… the list just goes on and on. I guess I never realized how bad she was even when the Neurologist told me that she is now categorized as “Stage 3 Dementia”… I got a reality check of it though when I stayed with her in her home for 3 days this week. My grandmother is not the same person she was before she was hospitalized. I still do not know for sure what happened to her during her hospital stay from March 1 to March 12. All I do know is that she forgot all about her home, her stuff, every body but her immediate family (just 4 of us), etc. Those things that she was so uptight and passionate about before are not even a faint memory to her now… she has not even asked about her jewelry, her house, her bills, nothing. In a way, her situation frightens me to some degree but in other ways it is somewhat calming to me. This past two weeks have in a way molded me into understanding that she is alright now and when her time comes it will be alright too.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Past 3 Days Update and Home Sweet Home
3/12/08
I left my house really early this morning bound for LaGrange. I made it on time to my appointment with the Director of the nursing home… after my tour of the facility, that quickly became a big fat NEGATIVE. I have prayed over and over about this for the past few days and my feeling in that place just did not sit right with me and I just could not sign the paperwork to admit her there. I bee-lined as fast as I could to the hospital to have a heart-to-heart talk with the social services/discharge lady... I told her that the place was just not for her and what were my back-up options... she said that she had finally gotten in touch with the nursing home in Warm Springs but that they were full but might be able to get her a "shift bed" for a temporary time period. I frantically weighed my options and just felt in my heart that maybe just taking her home to her apartment would be the best rehab she could get for now... and I really am not busy at work these days... and I knew deep down that I could stay with her and help her for the first few days...
So here we are back at Poplar Creek, Memaw's home, the assisted living facility in LaGrange. Yes, we were discharged today from the hospital after I made the executive decision to bring her home to her apartment. After a full day of trying to find a "transition/rehabilitation" place for her, the only rehab option available was a nursing home (with rehab services) near her assisted living home here in LaGrange. BUT, so here I am... Memaw's Personal Rehab and Adaptation Assistant. Just call me Nurse Kelly. Believe it or not, she is walking around half-decent but, she does not remember her way around quite yet and the whole getting up/down/balance thing is still rusty. That is what I am here for and the hospital has arranged for PT to come work with her 3 times a week in her apartment. So that being said... I am stuck here with the "older" crowd once again... today is Day 13 of the next chapter of Memaw's Story. Let's just pray that I can go home by Sunday (since I really should go back to work on Monday) and she can get back to some normalcy....
3/13/08
What a long day this has been! Time just creeps around here for me since I am so used to being in such a hurry all the time... The home health nurse visited us today and assessed our situation... she made me feel a lot better about the situation at hand since she was arranging PT, OT and ST for her 2-3 times a week...
We walked around quite a bit today and she was pulling herself up from the recliner and the couch on her own as early this morning! That is a HUGE obstacle completed considering she could NOT pull herself up AT ALL yesterday. We played Bingo this afternoon and she actually won the first round... I have never seen someone get so excited about winning $1!! We had a couple of visitors today and we sat outside for a little while on the rockers enjoying the beautiful day. All in all, I feel good about our progress and I KNOW in my heart that I did the right thing by bringing back here to her apartment home to get better. She even got one of those "push button alert call" things to hang around her neck so she can call for help whenever she needs it... hopefully, she will remember to use it! I hope tomorrow is even more successful than today!
3/14/08
There has been an unexpected change of events since yesterday evening... late in the evening, I started to not feel too well and the one of staff at Memaw's home took my temperature. Yes, I went to bed with a 102.2 fever- I bundled up the best I could with the heaviest clothes I had with me. I woke up around 12:30 am and my entire T-shirt (under the sweatshirt) along with the sheets and the pillow case were drenched with sweat- so the good news is the fever broke. However, I have feeling really bad all day today (cough, aching, chills, burning head) and finally decided to just go home to my doctor. Of course, Memaw was not happy about it AT ALL. But, I feel comfortable that she can make it on her own with the staff there and without me as her go-to crutch. She will have to learn how to depend on them and use the call button around her neck for help. I will not worry about her, but she is in the best place she can be! I did manage to take her this morning to get her hair done and met with the Director of the home and gave her specific instructions on the things that Memaw will need each day. All in all, it was another successful day!
Thank you so much all of your prayers, concerns, calls, emails, comments and messages! I am signing off now and enjoying being at home with Mike for a change.
I left my house really early this morning bound for LaGrange. I made it on time to my appointment with the Director of the nursing home… after my tour of the facility, that quickly became a big fat NEGATIVE. I have prayed over and over about this for the past few days and my feeling in that place just did not sit right with me and I just could not sign the paperwork to admit her there. I bee-lined as fast as I could to the hospital to have a heart-to-heart talk with the social services/discharge lady... I told her that the place was just not for her and what were my back-up options... she said that she had finally gotten in touch with the nursing home in Warm Springs but that they were full but might be able to get her a "shift bed" for a temporary time period. I frantically weighed my options and just felt in my heart that maybe just taking her home to her apartment would be the best rehab she could get for now... and I really am not busy at work these days... and I knew deep down that I could stay with her and help her for the first few days...
So here we are back at Poplar Creek, Memaw's home, the assisted living facility in LaGrange. Yes, we were discharged today from the hospital after I made the executive decision to bring her home to her apartment. After a full day of trying to find a "transition/rehabilitation" place for her, the only rehab option available was a nursing home (with rehab services) near her assisted living home here in LaGrange. BUT, so here I am... Memaw's Personal Rehab and Adaptation Assistant. Just call me Nurse Kelly. Believe it or not, she is walking around half-decent but, she does not remember her way around quite yet and the whole getting up/down/balance thing is still rusty. That is what I am here for and the hospital has arranged for PT to come work with her 3 times a week in her apartment. So that being said... I am stuck here with the "older" crowd once again... today is Day 13 of the next chapter of Memaw's Story. Let's just pray that I can go home by Sunday (since I really should go back to work on Monday) and she can get back to some normalcy....
3/13/08
What a long day this has been! Time just creeps around here for me since I am so used to being in such a hurry all the time... The home health nurse visited us today and assessed our situation... she made me feel a lot better about the situation at hand since she was arranging PT, OT and ST for her 2-3 times a week...
We walked around quite a bit today and she was pulling herself up from the recliner and the couch on her own as early this morning! That is a HUGE obstacle completed considering she could NOT pull herself up AT ALL yesterday. We played Bingo this afternoon and she actually won the first round... I have never seen someone get so excited about winning $1!! We had a couple of visitors today and we sat outside for a little while on the rockers enjoying the beautiful day. All in all, I feel good about our progress and I KNOW in my heart that I did the right thing by bringing back here to her apartment home to get better. She even got one of those "push button alert call" things to hang around her neck so she can call for help whenever she needs it... hopefully, she will remember to use it! I hope tomorrow is even more successful than today!
3/14/08
There has been an unexpected change of events since yesterday evening... late in the evening, I started to not feel too well and the one of staff at Memaw's home took my temperature. Yes, I went to bed with a 102.2 fever- I bundled up the best I could with the heaviest clothes I had with me. I woke up around 12:30 am and my entire T-shirt (under the sweatshirt) along with the sheets and the pillow case were drenched with sweat- so the good news is the fever broke. However, I have feeling really bad all day today (cough, aching, chills, burning head) and finally decided to just go home to my doctor. Of course, Memaw was not happy about it AT ALL. But, I feel comfortable that she can make it on her own with the staff there and without me as her go-to crutch. She will have to learn how to depend on them and use the call button around her neck for help. I will not worry about her, but she is in the best place she can be! I did manage to take her this morning to get her hair done and met with the Director of the home and gave her specific instructions on the things that Memaw will need each day. All in all, it was another successful day!
Thank you so much all of your prayers, concerns, calls, emails, comments and messages! I am signing off now and enjoying being at home with Mike for a change.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Getting Old Really Bites
Today I actually got to go to work and I am spending the night again at home tonight- Woohoo!! Two whole nights in a row! I do not know how to act that I got a couple of nights and one day away from “it all”. But, that all ends early tomorrow morning… yes, I am heading to a rehabilitation home near the hospital and my grandmother’s home to check out the facility. The hospital is ready to discharge her and we have struggled all day today trying to find a place for her to go to. Unfortunately, the Rehabilitation Institute in Warm Springs did not accept her into their program so we are trying to find our Plan B… two other facilities local to the hospital are full, one said No and the other has not responded. But, one said yes and that is where I am going early tomorrow morning. I just pray that it is a nice place for her to go to and that I am comfortable with leaving her there. I just hope she does not try to buck this idea and get all agitated about not “going home” soon enough. I am especially worried she will be upset if she figures out that this is not the Warm Springs rehabilitation location. All I can do is pray tonight for us tomorrow and hopefully everything will happen for the best. But, first things first… I have to do my homework when I am there touring the place tomorrow- the lady I talked to there said the hospital told them that this was for long-term care and shot that idea down real quick… I made it clear to her that she has a home up the street that we are already paying rent out-of-pocket on and my goal was to get her back there. Especially after she told what the rates were to stay at their nursing home facility… You see medicare only pays for the rehab time. After the rehab is complete and if they determine that she cannot live on her own at her current Assisted Living apartment, then she will have to pay out-of-pocket to stay at their (or any other) nursing home and the rates are around $140 per night!!! That is insane!! And you spend your own money until she has less than $10,000 to her name and her house is sold and gone too! And only then after she is broke and homeless will the facility apply to Medicaid for financial help to pay her rent there! Is that scenario not the craziest crapola you have ever heard of? Man, I am here to tell you that getting old and feeble is for the freakin’ birds! What a crock of ca-ca! So a person who has worked their entire lives and saved their money all their lives will have to spend every last dollar on nursing home rent if they don’t die suddenly one day and have to be “taken care of” by professional caregivers? This whole healthcare system just really bites. End of story.
Day 10 And Still Sane
Day 10 of my trip down Hospital Lane started on a lucky note when I scored a parking space in the closest front parking lot!! After my short night of sleep (this whole Daylight Savings change has me out of whack) in a different bed, I am moving sort of slow today… I also had no idea what today would bring for us… Well, believe it or not, my grandmother was alert when I arrived to her room. She wanted to know why she was here in the hospital. She kept asking me over and over and saying that “those nurse’s” won’t tell her why. I explained to her as best I could to make her understand that she was going for a big test today and hopefully the test would tell us why she was here. She would not eat much breakfast, but on a positive note, she has been alert pretty much most of the day today. We have been talking with each other most of the day… she seems to be more like her old self as the day goes on. They took her in for the EEG test around 11am this morning and the nice lady from the Warm Springs Rehabilitation completed her assessment today as well.
Other than this, I wish I had some news to tell everyone... notice that I did not say GOOD news or BAD news... I basically stated news... ANY news would be nice to have at this point! Today was Day # 5 in our 2nd Hospital Tour and I really do not know any more today than I knew on Day # 1 in the ER last Thursday night! What I DO know is that Memaw has completely "awaken" and seems to have come out from under whatever happened on Thursday in regards to the back-to-back seizures... she slept from Thursday evening until yesterday around lunchtime. And then this morning and all day today she was awake and alert and carrying normal conversation with me! As I said before this is the Memaw Rollercoaster Ride and I am holding on for dear life...
Even though the lady from the Warm Springs Rehab Institute did do the assessment today, they will not have any info for me on whether or not Memaw is "accepted as a candidate into their program" mainly because they are waiting on the EEG results -should know tomorrow though. And the Neurologist showed up tonight at 7pm and had not EVEN reviewed the EEG test results! He planned on reviewing them tonight after his hospital visits... what a crock! I stuck around waiting on him until after 7pm tonight and he came with NOTHING to our table... now I am really bent! I asked him again about what he thought about her seizures and can you believe this guy tried to pass off her seizures as "typical for people in their 60's and 70's"???? Are you kidding me? If uncontrollable convulsions are "typical" to people in her age group then their are a LOT of folks in trouble in my world! All of Mike’s parents and mine are in this group as well as all of their friends, our aunts and uncles, etc. Needless to say, I would NOT accept that as a good "reason" why she had them... and I voiced that to him on his way to the elevator. Sooooo, that being said, I suppose we are AGAIN waiting on the hospital to let us know what is next...
Other than this, I wish I had some news to tell everyone... notice that I did not say GOOD news or BAD news... I basically stated news... ANY news would be nice to have at this point! Today was Day # 5 in our 2nd Hospital Tour and I really do not know any more today than I knew on Day # 1 in the ER last Thursday night! What I DO know is that Memaw has completely "awaken" and seems to have come out from under whatever happened on Thursday in regards to the back-to-back seizures... she slept from Thursday evening until yesterday around lunchtime. And then this morning and all day today she was awake and alert and carrying normal conversation with me! As I said before this is the Memaw Rollercoaster Ride and I am holding on for dear life...
Even though the lady from the Warm Springs Rehab Institute did do the assessment today, they will not have any info for me on whether or not Memaw is "accepted as a candidate into their program" mainly because they are waiting on the EEG results -should know tomorrow though. And the Neurologist showed up tonight at 7pm and had not EVEN reviewed the EEG test results! He planned on reviewing them tonight after his hospital visits... what a crock! I stuck around waiting on him until after 7pm tonight and he came with NOTHING to our table... now I am really bent! I asked him again about what he thought about her seizures and can you believe this guy tried to pass off her seizures as "typical for people in their 60's and 70's"???? Are you kidding me? If uncontrollable convulsions are "typical" to people in her age group then their are a LOT of folks in trouble in my world! All of Mike’s parents and mine are in this group as well as all of their friends, our aunts and uncles, etc. Needless to say, I would NOT accept that as a good "reason" why she had them... and I voiced that to him on his way to the elevator. Sooooo, that being said, I suppose we are AGAIN waiting on the hospital to let us know what is next...
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Another Sunday Another Fun Day
Another Sunday at the hospital… weren’t we just here last Sunday or am I dreaming? Well guess what… the Neurologist finally showed up yesterday (Saturday) afternoon an hour after I left! Wouldn’t you know? Of course, I have been here EVERY day waiting… and waiting… and waiting… and he shows up as soon as I give up and leave… of course, my mother was here in my place to put him on the cell phone with me. I told him about the seizures, her bizarre behavior, etc. and honestly, I think he was surprised! He seemed to think she was nervous and agitated… ya think? Once she somewhat “woke up” yesterday afternoon, she turned from comatose to crazed patient- mean spirited, lashing out, combative-like… just plain ol’ anger. And he just could not understand why… I am beside myself at this point… is it not obvious to him that SOMETHING has happened to her??!! I just wanted to scream out, “Look at her man! She looks like death warmed over! Her behavior is all over the spectrum and she is blind as a bat! This is NOT my grandmother! She has been taken over by something or has lost something more than usual in her mind!” But, I kept it to myself and just asked if he could do some sort of test(s) to evaluate her brain… he agreed and ordered an EEG for Monday. He did try to check her eyes and he concluded that she is definitely not seeing ANY thing.
I think at this point I am depressed. Depressed for her. Depressed that she is blind, depressed that she cannot remember anything from just a few minutes ago, depressed that she does not know I am here in the room with her until I speak, depressed that she is in the shape that she is… because if she was the grandmother that I know she would absolutely die if she knew what she looked like physically and mentally. And she sure wouldn’t want any one to see her like this… I have managed to keep most “visitors” away from here- only family and one close family friend to help with the “sitting duties”.
I did manage to go home yesterday afternoon and do some serious laundry and spend some time at my house with my hubby. I have to tell you how nice it was to be home and to wake up late in my own bed on a Sunday morning…But, those few hours FLEW by and now I am back in hell… But, tomorrow brings a full day of fun: the (hopefully successful) EEG, Rehab assessment, and hopefully some long overdue ANSWERS! I just keep praying for something to hold on to with this…
I think at this point I am depressed. Depressed for her. Depressed that she is blind, depressed that she cannot remember anything from just a few minutes ago, depressed that she does not know I am here in the room with her until I speak, depressed that she is in the shape that she is… because if she was the grandmother that I know she would absolutely die if she knew what she looked like physically and mentally. And she sure wouldn’t want any one to see her like this… I have managed to keep most “visitors” away from here- only family and one close family friend to help with the “sitting duties”.
I did manage to go home yesterday afternoon and do some serious laundry and spend some time at my house with my hubby. I have to tell you how nice it was to be home and to wake up late in my own bed on a Sunday morning…But, those few hours FLEW by and now I am back in hell… But, tomorrow brings a full day of fun: the (hopefully successful) EEG, Rehab assessment, and hopefully some long overdue ANSWERS! I just keep praying for something to hold on to with this…
Saturday, March 8, 2008
48 Hours Into Hospital Tour # 2
We have been in the hospital for Tour # 2 for almost 48 hours now. We are in the hospital room this morning staring out at the thousands of beautiful snow flurries falling from the sky. Memaw is sleeping... as she has been since she arrived back in the ER almost 48 hours ago. Yes, every since the 2 back-to-back seizures on Thursday afternoon, she has pretty much laid in the hospital bed sleeping. She randomly awakes with very jerky movements and most of the time does not know where she is... her words are jumbled and non-comprehendible... she really does not open her eyes all the way... but, if you ask her simple questions she does answer and with correct answers about half the time. She is still seeing things that are not there and even though I tell her I am here constantly, she really does not remember that I am here... She seems to keep having nightmares that jar her awake and she rambles distorted words that I cannot decipher...I just assure her that we are here and we love her and she falls back asleep.
I did have one of her best friends come sit with her yesterday from 9am to 4pm so I could go back to Atlanta to turn in some paperwork at the office, go home, shower and pack. The Neurologist did not show up yesterday though, but maybe he will come by today or Monday.... And her eye doctor will hopefully examine her eyesight on Monday too- she just does not seem to be much of ANY thing for the past day or so.
At this point, I am so frustrated with the whole scene. No answers from any doctor since we left ER, the nurses don’t really know any thing about her or even when the doctors might be coming by… it is just sit and wait, sit and wait, sit and wait some more… Of course, my patience box is still somewhat full… I am running on energy fumes but I will stay the course until they figure out what is wrong with her. I am terrified to leave her side in case I miss the doctor… I cannot win for losing in this it seems… and I feel like I cannot rely on ANY one person up in the organization for details if I do miss the doctor.
I have watched so many episodes of “Living Single”, “Beverly Hills 90210”, “The Nanny” and “The Golden Girls” my head is spinning. I wish MTV or VH1 would just play music videos all day. Or if I could find a way to listen to my Sirius satellite radio here in the hospital would be awesome too! I did finally find the Food Network station on the TV… just trying to keep sane in the membrane…
I did have one of her best friends come sit with her yesterday from 9am to 4pm so I could go back to Atlanta to turn in some paperwork at the office, go home, shower and pack. The Neurologist did not show up yesterday though, but maybe he will come by today or Monday.... And her eye doctor will hopefully examine her eyesight on Monday too- she just does not seem to be much of ANY thing for the past day or so.
At this point, I am so frustrated with the whole scene. No answers from any doctor since we left ER, the nurses don’t really know any thing about her or even when the doctors might be coming by… it is just sit and wait, sit and wait, sit and wait some more… Of course, my patience box is still somewhat full… I am running on energy fumes but I will stay the course until they figure out what is wrong with her. I am terrified to leave her side in case I miss the doctor… I cannot win for losing in this it seems… and I feel like I cannot rely on ANY one person up in the organization for details if I do miss the doctor.
I have watched so many episodes of “Living Single”, “Beverly Hills 90210”, “The Nanny” and “The Golden Girls” my head is spinning. I wish MTV or VH1 would just play music videos all day. Or if I could find a way to listen to my Sirius satellite radio here in the hospital would be awesome too! I did finally find the Food Network station on the TV… just trying to keep sane in the membrane…
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I Spoke Too Soon
Well I spoke too soon… I was giddy that she was getting out of the hospital late this morning. We made it back to her apartment. She did not seem to be maneuvering around her place too easily though… it is almost like her eyesight is 100 times worse than what it was before she went into the hospital. I was eager to get on the road to work. But, for some reason, I decided to stay and eat lunch with her. Afterwards, we went back to her apartment and she sat in the recliner to nap a little. I sat on the couch to compose my blog… minutes later she was having a massive seizure… my heart was racing so fast I thought it would burst. I tried to talk to her and make it stop…. And finally the shaking stopped. I started crying and asking her if she was all right… she started babbling a bunch of words that I could not comprehend… then she seemed fine… I thought for a brief moment that she WAS okay. But then she did it again… another full-blown seizure…wild-eyed and shaking compulsively out-of-control… I was so scared! I grabbed the phone and called up front… they came running… she then went limp and turned cold… no pulse, no response…. We kept talking to her trying to get a response. Every couple of minutes she would slightly squeeze my hand when I begged her to… I am absolutely bawling like a baby…and she is down for the count it seemed…. The EMT’s finally arrive and as soon as they try to put her on the gurney, she miraculously wakes up and starts raging and cussing every one in the most combative way I have ever witnessed… she is screaming and carrying on… I am trying not to hear her words and anger… she does not want to go back to “that place”! They finally take her and off to the ER we go… and after 5 ½ hours in the ER and a CT scan of her head later, we are back in hospital… same bat room, same bat floor… and here I am spending the night… in a lovely nylon maroon recliner tonight… and I am not too excited about it… and who knows what tomorrow brings or tonight for that matter.
Finally...
This morning when I arrived bright and early to the hospital, my grandmother was again restrained to the bed. At this point I have just accepted the fact that she has to be restrained during the night for her safety. I know that she has yanked her IV needle out twice at night, each on different dates. She just forgets where she is and thinks she has to release herself from those things attached to her so she can leave this place.
I spent most of yesterday trying to get her to the bathroom in time since she drank a bunch of the “white stuff”. Yes, the doctor ordered her a CT Scan of her abdomen and all the white stuff she drank turned right around and became the brown stuff that came right on out the other end and FAST. I felt so bad having to keep going and getting the poor nurse’s assistant to come clean her and the mess up each time we did not quite make it to the toilet. It was an ever-circling cycle that just did not stop all afternoon! They finally did the scan around 4:45pm yesterday afternoon and then she had her first meal of the day at suppertime… I finally left for my home around 7pm- mussed clothes in hand to wash before returning today. She did look a lot better this morning. After she finished her breakfast, I got her up and put her sneakers on her for traction and took her on a long walk around the entire hospital floor. The doctor arrived and announced that she could go home so we spent the morning preparing for our long-awaited departure. We made it back to her apartment and she has a LONG way to go before she is adjusted back to her place… she does not seem to see much of ANY thing around her. I borrowed a walker from the director for her to use until she gets her balance back. Of course, she chooses not to rely on it for direction or balance. She charges like a bull out of balance on peg legs through the apartment…staggering all over the place like she is about to fall at any moment… and it scares me to death! I wish I could stay with her but I have small issue keeping me from that- it is called my JOB and I have missed 3 ½ days this week already!
All I can do is pray and hope that she takes her time and watches out for herself physically and mentally… fingers are crossed…
I spent most of yesterday trying to get her to the bathroom in time since she drank a bunch of the “white stuff”. Yes, the doctor ordered her a CT Scan of her abdomen and all the white stuff she drank turned right around and became the brown stuff that came right on out the other end and FAST. I felt so bad having to keep going and getting the poor nurse’s assistant to come clean her and the mess up each time we did not quite make it to the toilet. It was an ever-circling cycle that just did not stop all afternoon! They finally did the scan around 4:45pm yesterday afternoon and then she had her first meal of the day at suppertime… I finally left for my home around 7pm- mussed clothes in hand to wash before returning today. She did look a lot better this morning. After she finished her breakfast, I got her up and put her sneakers on her for traction and took her on a long walk around the entire hospital floor. The doctor arrived and announced that she could go home so we spent the morning preparing for our long-awaited departure. We made it back to her apartment and she has a LONG way to go before she is adjusted back to her place… she does not seem to see much of ANY thing around her. I borrowed a walker from the director for her to use until she gets her balance back. Of course, she chooses not to rely on it for direction or balance. She charges like a bull out of balance on peg legs through the apartment…staggering all over the place like she is about to fall at any moment… and it scares me to death! I wish I could stay with her but I have small issue keeping me from that- it is called my JOB and I have missed 3 ½ days this week already!
All I can do is pray and hope that she takes her time and watches out for herself physically and mentally… fingers are crossed…
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
A Shortcut Down Dementia Lane
Let me take you for a ride on my recent trip down Dementia Lane. On Sunday, my grandmother’s second day in the hospital, her confusion level seemed to worsen as each hour of the day slowly crept by. She could not remember things that happened five minutes ago. She would doze off and then wake up to a whole new world every time. She would jar awake and start trying to climb out of the bed thinking she “had to go” or “had to get out of this place now”… Being that she had a needle in her arm for the IV and the fact they had finally resorted to a catheter, she was not very “mobile” to just get up and out of the bed. And her mind just would not process the fact that she was in the hospital and not at her home. She just kept trying to leave this place and get away… we caught her trying to free herself from the tubes, wires, needles, etc. so many times on Sunday that I lost count! If you asked her what she was doing she would lash out in anger. I left her alone (asleep at that time) for about an hour to go get some lunch on Sunday… the scene that greeted me when I returned seriously scared the crap out of me- she was standing in the middle of the room…stark naked… and blood was EVERY where! There was blood all over her entire body from the shoulders down, all over the floor, the bed, the linens, etc. And she was standing there and very shaky-like gripping the food service table for balance… in all her glory. It was like a scene from any ol’ horror movie… my first thought was that she was hurt herself intentionally… but, as I frantically searched her, I could not find the source of all of this blood… then I wondered if she might have removed the catheter in trying to “go” to the bathroom… nope, still in tact… then I found the IV needle… ON THE FLOOR… yes, she had clearly ripped the IV out of her arm! And she had no idea that she had done it, she did not know why she was up and out of the bed or why she was naked, she did not even know about all the blood… I ran for the nurses’ station… the entire nurse staff was so surprised and moved quickly to clean up and get her back in order. We spent the rest of the afternoon wondering what she would do next… when I returned the next morning she was livid. She demanded to know what happened… she wanted to know what had happened to her. I finally realized that she was shackled to the bed rails! No wonder she was so angry! The night nurse had told me they would restrain her as a last resort… I calmed her down by telling her that I approved them attaching her to the bed… but, all day Monday she kept on trying to physically remove herself from the bed… I tried to keep her mind occupied by telling her about me and us and any thing to keep her mind from wandering. But, she would start rambling on about something (half of which I could not understand) and she would talk about things from her past as if she was back in that day or she would talk about imaginary people in the room with us… her eyes would never really focus on me when I spoke to her… she kept looking off in the distance or staring at the ceiling or look next to me. I would try to convince her that we were the only two people in the room. She would only lash out in anger that the “little boy” was just there and that “all those men” did just leave… she even thought that my mother was just in the room with her and was talking to her… the only thing I could figure out on that one was that she was mixing me up with my mom. She plays with the bed linens like she is “straightening up those papers” and keeps reaching out into the air like she sees something to grab that is not there. The last two days have been nothing but a rollercoaster ride for me with her emotions and actions. I am watching her right now as I am typing this and she is trying to “eat” the stress ball that someone brought her to squeeze in her hands for strength conditioning and she keeps reaching out toward the sunlight from the window like she sees something more. But, when her eyes catch mine staring at her, and I smile at her, she always smiles back… and then I know she is still here with ME. And that is all that matters…
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Hospital Bedknobs and Broomsticks
The first call came in around 9:30 am Saturday morning. The second call came an hour or so later. I had already talked directly to my grandmother earlier that morning around 8:45-ish and she had seemed out of breath… I was just starting my work out class when the third call happened- this time I called my Mom and asked to go and check on my grandmother. The phone rang throughout my workout with updates… by the time I was on the road from my workout heading back to the house, she was on her way to the Emergency Room in an ambulance. In the ER, they discovered the bruising covering her entire back… from the fall she had taken a week or so ago… she did not remember the details, but this time she did admit to falling. She was assigned a room. My Mother stayed with her all day long throughout the saga… my grandmother’s son showed up only for a while- long enough to wreak havoc on the others around him in the ER and of course cause the typical embarrassing scene with my grandmother resulting from his usual over-indulgence of spirits. Fortunately, I arrived after he left… and boy did she look pitiful laying in that hospital bed… eyes closed… mouth gaping open… she would go on later in the evening to express her fear in being alone in “this place” and asked if I would sleep with her here. Well, we all know that answer… I would do ANY thing that lady asks for! And I am here to tell you that was the longest 10 hours of my life… I never did actually fall asleep. Besides the fact, I had to sleep in a turquoise shaded nylon recliner-type chair in the corner… the ongoing circus of staff coming in her room at all hours of the night was almost unbearable. There was the lady arriving every 2 hours to check her temperature and blood pressure and then there was the next lady coming to take blood every 2 hours on opposite rotation from the first lady. Since, my grandmother was on an IV with fluids and antibiotics, she had to pee every hour or so which would require a call to the nurses station and then them coming to the room to “put” her on a bedpan to do her business. And then on top of all of that, her IV was inserted into the bottom of her forearm so she could not bend her left arm or she would set off the VERY LOUD alarm on the IV monitor. So, in summary, ALL night long I was up calling the nurse to come stop the IV alarm or fussing at her to stop bending that arm, or calling the nurse to put her on the bed pan or watching the blood pressure/temperature lady or the blood taking lab lady… over and over and over… A-L-L N-I-G-H-T L-O-N-G!!!!!! So you can imagine how Sunday was for me… same clothes on from Saturday, sweaty and sticky feeling, mentally annoyed senseless, short-tempered and irritated in general, and longing badly to be at home with my husband… I absolutely did not want to be here on that day at that moment with her, here in this hospital… But, I did not leave her… I was here again all day Monday and here I am on a stormy Tuesday morning. My mother and brother came to be with her too yesterday afternoon… no sign of her son at all on Sunday… he did finally call me briefly yesterday… as usual, he had no intention of coming to visit her in person yesterday. And with the weather, he probably won’t show his face today either. Yes, it seems that a few drops of rain keeps just about every one at home down here- the fear of what might happen in their vehicle on a wet road maybe? Gimme a break. Rain or snow would not keep me from here… but, that is just me.
More later…
More later…
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