I had another one of those moments last Friday... or should I say another one of those thoughts? It is really hard to describe the feeling I had at that moment but, I will be going along with my day and all of a sudden I will experience a small wave of panic inside of me and think how I have not called and checked on Grandmother... and then I reach for my cell phone to call... and then realization hits... and it hits HARD. The realization that I cannot just call her any more. No more just picking up the phone to call and seeing how her day is going... see how she did through the night... to find out what her latest issue is...
Earlier one day in the week before last, I had the overwhelming desire to call her to tell her what a good day our dog, Sampson had.... and then the depression sinks in that I cannot tell her. But, the feeling that comes over me is like a urge that is so familiar... I suppose it is because that is how it has been now for the past 2 and 1/2 years. My days had been controlled with the constant reminders to call my Grandmother to check on her. On every vacation, every work trip, etc. I always had to make sure I had my cell with me at all times, all day and all night just in case something happened and I always had to call her to assure her I was okay and wanted to see how she was doing that day. It was a daily ritual no matter what ...and I am having one hell of time trying to stop the urges and break the rituals... am I insane or what?
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