Endurance Is A Gift

Today is Good Friday and here I am at work. It is so hard to believe that April is almost half over and it makes me wonder where did the first 1/3 of this year go already? We are headed back down to Pine Mtn tomorrow... not necessarily for the Easter holiday... just to do some things on our neverending To-Do List. I will head to the store today to buy my Grandmother some Easter goodies.... I always like to show up with gifts for her. Sweets always make her smile. Since our conversations lately have been so limited due to her diminishing communication skills, I try to bring gifts to stimulate her mood- which makes my visits much more enjoyable. I do not know why I carry this ongoing guilt for not going down to visit her more often. I keep telling myself that every other week really is enough... but, that guilt feeling is always lingering. And now as her dementia increases, her ability to communicate her negativity towards me (since I am her main target) has dwindled. I am not having to call down there every single day to talk to her- she just does not remember if I call any more or not. She really does not ask and when I do talk to her, she does not ask why I did not call the day before. Yet, I still religiousy call to talk to her at least every-other-day. Of course, the conversations are mostly about much of nothing- very limited, very brief- and on those days that she does try to say something, it sounds like babbling and I cannot make out much of any of it- very stressful!! Oh well, I am going to visit her for a couple of hours on Saturday any way. Hubby will run some errands while I am visiting her and then we are meeting up with an Equipment Operator around lunch time and going over to our land to do some work-planning. We are gearing up to do some more work on our property starting next weekend- Exciting! I love to watch progress on our future home land... We will then head to the south end of the county to consume oysters with other friends and family (while they are still in season)... and then probably head back up to the City that night. I know it is a long day trip but, I decided against staying for Easter service in our hometown Church. I really do want to go but, the fact that ALL those folks attending the service will be inquiring about my Grandmother- it just does not sound like something I want to endure. I am saddened that I cannot take her with me, but I am not willing to attempt that with her broken hip and all. And I am not ready to answer the same questions over and over and justify why she is not there. Is that just awful of me or what? Oh well, I cannot help it if I am not ready for it. Period.

#5s A Charm?

I was blown away today when I heard the news that an old friend of mine from college had her FIFTH son this morning. Yes Number 5! They had four boys and were really hoping for a girl this time... imagine that... I remember her saying that last year sometime---- "I just hope it is girl... four boys are a huge hand-full... I cannot imagine what our life will be like with five! Hee Hee" Well, you are about to find out my friend! Good luck with that one.

I Spend 33% Of My Life Waiting

So here I sit in the El Paso airport waiting... waiting...waiting... and waiting some more... the story of my life! This trip's itenerary has changed so many times I have lost count. After discovering some serious issues yesterday on our job site here in El Paso, I had to call our company travel agency last evening (since our Denver office was already closed at 7pm EST!) and change my early flight this morning. I was supposed to fly Frontier early this morning to Denver (which probably got delayed anyway because of the snowstorm they had this morning) and then connect to Atlanta. I really need to stay longer this morning so I could attend our bi-weekly Progress Mtg with the Owner/Engineer on site. I wound up having to buy a one-way ticket on Delta to Atlanta for early this afternoon for the cheap price of $915!! Crazy I know! Well, I went to the meeting and was packing up to leave afterwards only to find out that there was a hostage situation on the interstate somewhere between the jobsite exit and the airport exit. With the border wars going on just a few hundred yards away from here, who knows what kind of craziness this hostage situation involved! So I had to take the "transmountain" route the back way around the city and up through the mountain range. Needless to say, I drove like a mad woman trying to get the airport at least an hour before my flight time... and then I get to the ticket counter. And wouldn't you know- the flight is DELAYED! Over 2 hours!! And because of rain/thunderstorms in Atlanta... WHY me? Why does this always seem to happen to me? Especially when I am so ready to be back home... rain, wind, snow- you name it- one of these conditions ALWAYS delays my flights!!! And always when I am by myself on an out-of-town work trip... weather is not my friend I tell you.
This whole day has been turmoil for me... I stayed up way too late last night trying to prepare for this big on site meeting earlier this morning and then all of my worrying put my stomach into knots. And unfortunately, I had to use the jobsite porta-john when my upset stomach turned worse- NOT fun at all. It is bad enough having to use it but for that ritual? And then when we got into the meeting with all the project players, they dropped a big ol' bomb on us and informed us that the Owner's electrical/instrumentation people need two additional weeks at the end of of our Project Schedule to complete their work on integrating the new system to the old one. That would extend the project until the first or second week of May! And they want our written "plan" submitted ASAP for the duration of the project work- great- it is a good thing I worked on it half of last night! Now I just have to put my butt into high gear tomorrow in my office in Atlanta and finish it before the FedEx man arrives. Why is it even the best laid out plans just never happen the way we intended?? One of my life's biggest mysteries...

Death By Airport Sprints

I am writing this from a crop duster airplane headed from Denver to El Paso. I am starving to death and winded from the 1/2 mile sprint I just completed trying to get from my late arriving Atlanta flight gate A25 to my connecting flight gate A58. My sprint became a life or death situation as I was running just past the half-way point of my path and I could actually hear someone paging MY NAME over the Denver International Airport intercom!! What a horrible pronunciation of my entire full name! I was frantic... even more than I already was... As I bolted past the cowboy on the moving sidewalks almost knocking him down, I could hear my own haggard breath heaving as I ran. I am sure he was surprised to see this much taller, much heavier woman running by him in an almost full-blown sprint with laptop backpack on and carry-on roller bag flailing out from my side. I then realize that the gate is down another level of escalators and run down those too. I finally run into another straight hallway of gates and see mine far in the distance... I run even faster. I get there and the door is closed with two airline employees standing there staring at me as I drop my bag, bend over and attempt to catch my breath. The guy on the right says, "are you Kelly ____?" I gasp for air and nod yes. He replys that he just took me off the list... I must have forcefully stated that he just HAD to put me back on it... and that I just RAN to get this flight... all he wanted was the magic word... "please"... Easy enough... "Please, sir- let me go to El Paso tonight".... and he did. I head out the door and see the crop duster across the parking lot from the gate... and then I have to sprint again to get on the plane before they pull up the stairs and seal the door on it! By the time I run/climb the stairs and am standing in the aisle of the plane (heaving of course) EVERY person on the plane is staring at me... very weird. The flight attendant says "welcome- you made it" and I say "yes, I did!- Thank the Lord for my boot camp training!!". And they all chuckle. So here I am... sitting on a crop duster that is only a little over half full, a kid has been kicking my seat for the past 20 minutes and I am staring out my window at the HUGE propeller next to me... only a 1 hour flight though... Halleluyah! I could eat a small horse and drink a gallon of water right now...no wonder- I just realized that my sprint was at the mile-high elevation- now I know why I was breathing so hard...

Rejuvenating Time

I was supposed to fly to El Paso yesterday for work. I am hoping this is my last trip out to the job site there since I am supposedly starting a new project here in Atlanta in May or June. Well, wouldn't you know that my flight from Atlanta to Denver was delayed due to their early morning snowstorm yesterday and the delay was longer than my scheduled layover there. So I had our travel lady in our Denver office push the trip 24 hours. So now I am flying out today- fingers crossed on that one! Since my flight to Denver was/is not until early afternoon boths days I got to sleep in some and take my time packing, etc. here at home. It is funny how much I truly enjoy being at home at times like today and yesterday. There are so many things that I get to do around the house that have been neglected for so long because of my non-stop daily schedule. For instance, I finally ironed that pile of wrinkled clothes that have been laying on top of the chair in our bedroom for months... some of the shirts were short-sleeved! Those are left from Hubby last wearing them early last fall! I made a long overdue trip to wal-mart to get toiletries, cleaning supplies, etc... I got to take my time and actually SHOP. Of course, my mind always goes to that place where I wonder if I could actually quit my job and be a stay-at-home wife/mom.... I think I would really enjoy it at first... but, then once all of my projects are done, I would probably die of boredom! Who knows...
By the way, I did pass my black belt test a couple of Saturdays ago... I have just been slowly decompressing over the past week or so since that stressful Saturday. Since I have not been back to the karate studio since that day, I have had a chance to do some long overdue things for myself. I washed all of the "gear" in my karate bag, I have been dealing with all of these joint aches that I have ignored during those last 3-4 weeks before the test (my right hand and elbow are the worst- especially my thumb and middle finger joints), and have just been taking it easy in regards to getting some more sleep and relaxing. Since my Grandmother's hospital/rehab stint is finally over and I am traveling this week for work, I will probably not head back to the karate studio until this Saturday.... that will be officially 2 weeks since my test and I am positive I will be ready to start back by then.
I still have a list of things "to do" when I get back from El Paso on Thursday night. Hopefully, it will all fall into place...

Home On The Range...

We made the trip home on Saturday in a monsoon no less. We really needed a raft to get down there it was raining so hard. We ran errands around town when we got there taking care of my Grandmother’s business. And then Hubby dropped me off at to visit my Grandmother (after helping me unload all the geriatrics purchases I had bought last week). I stayed with her for about two hours and believe it or not- it flew by! When I first saw her in her bedroom, she was lounging in her reclining wheelchair with her eyes closed. I spoke and she magically perked up. Her speech was still slurred and her words were very hard to decipher. I pulled a chair right up next to her so I could put my ear next to her mouth. She kept reaching out to touch my face as if she wanted to see if I was really there… and not a dream maybe?? I brought her copies of six bluegrass music CD’s and they put one in the player… she would get this really big smile on her face and start shaking her legs and hands to the beat of the music (all while in the wheelchair) just like she was dancing to the music. She loved it! The music just makes her so happy. They did get her out of the wheelchair at one point and let her show me how she walks around the house- up and down the halls and around her bedroom and into the kitchen and around the island. It is almost as if she does not feel pain at all! Her threshold of pain must be ridiculously high is all I can figure… Then, she had lunch and a bathroom trip… still no complaining of pain in her hip… we listened to more bluegrass- she kept her eyes closed (unknowingly) most of the time while listening- not sure why she keeps her eyes closed so much now (something to talk to her eye doc about I guess)… and before I knew it- Hubby was there to pick me up. We had to go change into our dressy clothes for a family wedding later that afternoon up in LaGrange. I felt bad leaving her… but, she did not seem to be too upset about it this time.
I called her today to chat and could not interpret one single thing she said to me… very disconcerting to say the least. I just kept replying yes and uh-huh to humor her… I just hope I did not agree to too much! I talked to her about the usual (weather, work, Hubby, etc.) and closed with how much I loved her…
I think that my visit on Saturday and today’s chat on the phone really tell a dark picture of the days to come with her… I am saddened more and more as our lines of communication are dwindling. I still feel like she is herself and she knows me but I just cannot understand her words. Very upsetting…

Geriatrics Shopping Spree

In anticipation of my visit with my Grandmother this past weekend, I spent almost all of my lunch hours and afternoons after work riding around town purchasing Grandmother supplies. What sucks about it is that each different item has to be bought at a different store than all the others- so instead of going to one store and getting everything there, I have to go to 3 or 4 different stores to buy the never-ending list of stuff that she requires. I try to buy these things in bulk sizes so I am not having to Grandmother shop every other week. Well, this week was full of disappointments in the all-week Grandmother shopping spree… the first Target that I wasted my time going into for ensure knock-offs ($2-3 less than ensure!) only had ONE 6 pack in stock! I need AT LEAST six of them since she drinks 2 a day! I tried to salvage the trip by looking for the flushable wipes… NO luck- only baby wipes and they are not flushable!!! I wound up hitting another Target and scoring 7 more packs of the ensure knock-offs. And then a trip to BJ’s Wholesale landed 2 huge cases of lady pull-ups… no wipes again- only the freaking non-flushable ones! What a crock! I did manage to find HUGE bottles of fish oil, centrum silver, and citrical at BJ’s… those all important over-the-counter pills she requires… And then I had an epiphany while standing in line with the huge cases of depends sticking out of the cart… I started to wonder at what point in my life did I start shopping for adult pull-ups and ensures? Who would have ever thought that I, Kelly would be shopping for these things in my mid-30’s? I mean my Husband could hardly stand next the cart the one time he went with me to wal-mart to buy a small supply of pull-ups… I guess it just doesn’t faze me any more at this point. I mean seriously- do it look like my big butt will fit into a Ladies Cut Small diaper? Please people! And even though I rode around most of this week with all these huge boxes of geriatric supplies in my car, I still made myself unload them into our garage on Thursday- Lord help if someone were to see them in my car…now is that so wrong of me?