Moving South, Summer 2007

Someone sent me this email yesterday and I had to share since it made me laugh out loud! It is a diary of an out-of-state person moving to Atlanta in the summertime- pretty funny- Enjoy! -k


A Diary Review: Moving South, 2007

May 30, 2007 :

Just moved to Atlanta, Georgia from Chicago, Illinois.
Now, this is a city that knows how to live!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place!
I watched the sunset from a park while lying on a blanket.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my home.
I love it here.


June 14, 2007 :

Really heating up.
Got to 95 degrees today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30, 2007:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks. The yard is a breeze to maintain!
No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but
I love living in Atlanta.

July 10, 2007 :

The temperature hasn't been below 97 degrees all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least it's kind of windy, but getting used to the heat and
humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15, 2007:

Fell asleep by the pool.
(Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson, though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20, 2007:

Morgan (our cat) snuck into the car before I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery.
I told the kids that she ran away.
The car now smells like Kibbles and shits.
I learned my lesson, though. No more cats in this heat.

July 25, 2007:

The wind sucks.
It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!
And it's hot as hell!
The home air-conditioner is on the fritz,
and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and
tell me he needed to order the parts.

July 30, 2007:
Been sleeping outside by the pool naked for 3 nights now.
The monthly house payment is $1,500 and I can't even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?

August 4, 2007:

It's 105 degrees...again! Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today

for a cost of $900.
The temperature gets down to 78 degrees, but this freaking
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95 degrees.
I hate this stupid city.

August 8, 2007:

If another wise ass person cracks, "Hot enough for
you today?" I'm going to choke him to death. Damn heat; 107 today.
By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes
are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!

August 9, 2007:

Tried to run some errands after work.
Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car.
I thought my ass was on fire.
I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

August 10, 2007:

The weather report might as well be a damn recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny.
It's been too hot to do anything for two damn months,
and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert?
Water rationing will be next, so I might as well watch $1,700
worth of cactus just dry up and blow into the damn pool.
Not even cactus can live in this damn heat.

August 14, 2007:

Welcome to HELL!!!
The temperature got to 111 degrees today.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Freaking South.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?