I have to admit that when I am surfing the 100+ television stations on our TV that I tend to keep going back to some old favorites.. MTV, VH1, MusicHD, TNT, TBS, the list goes on and on. My husband has told me many times in the past that I am addicted to watching music videos. And sometimes that might be true if he happens to find me on weekend mornings watching MTV or VH1- since that is about the ONLY time they actually air them these days! (Which really bites by the way!) But, every once in while or a couple of times a year one of these two "music" TV stations will air a celebrity-type reality show that is just SO bad that you just have to keep watching it. This blog is about one of those...
I am not really sure when I started watching "Rock Of Love" on VH1... probably pretty early into it... but the gist of the show is to find Bret Michaels, the lead singer of the band "Poison" a new girlfriend. Now any of you who was a teenager of the mid-to-late 80's knows who Bret Michaels is... he was the sexy-rock-idol-love interest of a LOT of middle and high school aged girls... you know the look... big, blonde spiked hair, tight leather pants, no shirt, big biker boots, electric guitar hanging from his neck, microphone buried in his mouth, etc. He was most popular with the cheerleaders and cool girls in my high school class... along with Jon Bon Jovi, Axle Rose, and any other hair band members from the 80's music scene.
But, today Bret is much older, somewhat heavier, less hair but still parties like a rock star... So this show started with about 25 or so ladies that just wanted to be his female lover. Sounds pretty cut and dry just like every other "bachelor-type" reality show out there, right? Well, not really... this shows has some of the most scary looking, even scarier acting females you have ever seen trying to score Bret at any costs... they are groupies, strippers, dancers, hair dressers, waitresses, etc. They are willing to anything like exposing their private parts for points with him, taking porno-type polaroid pics of each other to give him, they fight like cats with each other to get closer to their man... Heck, even one chick, Heather one of the strippers, went out and got a tattoo of Bret's name on her neck for crying out loud!! She wanted to prove her undying love to him by permanently marring her body with his name... Now to me this just seems like a last ditch effort since they are down to only four girls now... Yes, they eliminated Mia, the quiet brunette last week and they are now down to the "Fearless Four"... You really have to watch the show to comprehend just how ridiculous it is... I hate to admit that I do find it truly entertaining... it just so bad that you cannot help but watch the next episode to see what ludacris act one of the last four are going to do to get their man... Personally, I think it is between Jess and Heather (I vote for Jess)... and I cannot believe that Lacey has made it this far considering how much the others hate her and her psychotic antics! But, this Sunday is new episode and I will probably be there to see who makes it to the next round... how sad is that?
Friday, September 7, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Heaven On A Bun
Heaven On A Bun
With not too much going on for us at our work these days, J-San (AKA my hoochie sidekick- as my husband refers to her) and I headed up to Buford yesterday to run a small errand. We discovered a new restaurant while cruising Hwy 20 by the Mall of Georgia and decided to try it out. This blog is our official review of the "Five Guys Burgers & Fries" restaurant chain...
Five Guys Burgers & Fries
Upon entering the front door, I encountered the most delicious, succulent smell I have experienced in quite a LONG time... it took me back to my days growing up in Pine Mtn. when my grandmother cooked us homemade hamburgers and fries. The dining room was bright and airy reminding me of an old diner with its red, white and black color scheme. We walked up to the ordering section of the main counter and I was surprised at just how simple the overhead menu was... Burgers, Hotdogs and Potatoes... and Sodas. How easy to order! And all toppings were free! And their toppings were not just the usual boring suspects either... raw onions, fried onions, sauteed mushrooms were the most exciting on the topping list along with the others: ketchup, mayo, mustard, tomato, lettuce, etc. J-San ordered a cheese burger and a soda and I ordered a cheese burger, an small order of fries and a soda. I will admit that I had a moment of despair when J-San showed up at our table only 5 minutes after we ordered and sat down with her order and her sandwich was wrapped in aluminum foil... (Flashback: In my past experience, any eating establishment that serves food in alum-foil is questionable...almost too scary to open much less eat- way too "homemade" for me!) But, when she unwrapped her cheese burger, all worries vanished...
Then, my order was called... I opened up my foil and met the largest most inviting burger in my 34 years...
The mushrooms and onions were the best toppings dripping on a two-patty beef burger with cheese, lettuce, and tomato. I was in heaven! And the fries were definitely Idaho potato cut fries (just like Memaw's)... The small fries order was TOO much for both of us to split!
Overall rating: 5 out of 5
Pros: THE best burger I have ever eaten away from home (yes, even more than The Vortex!, free toppings are the bomb, real potato fries and free refills on the coke products, oh and they have roasted peanuts in the shell to snack on while you wait for your meal
Cons: A little pricey for lunch ( not a $ 5 or so meal) With fries and soda it was $ 9+, I do not EVEN want to know the caloric intake from this meal...
(For those of you who live in Cobb County or those who do not want to make the trip up to Buford, Mike and I saw one of these off Holcomb Bridge Rd. near Alpharetta Hwy in Alpharetta a couple of weeks ago- go check it out!)
With not too much going on for us at our work these days, J-San (AKA my hoochie sidekick- as my husband refers to her) and I headed up to Buford yesterday to run a small errand. We discovered a new restaurant while cruising Hwy 20 by the Mall of Georgia and decided to try it out. This blog is our official review of the "Five Guys Burgers & Fries" restaurant chain...
Five Guys Burgers & Fries
Upon entering the front door, I encountered the most delicious, succulent smell I have experienced in quite a LONG time... it took me back to my days growing up in Pine Mtn. when my grandmother cooked us homemade hamburgers and fries. The dining room was bright and airy reminding me of an old diner with its red, white and black color scheme. We walked up to the ordering section of the main counter and I was surprised at just how simple the overhead menu was... Burgers, Hotdogs and Potatoes... and Sodas. How easy to order! And all toppings were free! And their toppings were not just the usual boring suspects either... raw onions, fried onions, sauteed mushrooms were the most exciting on the topping list along with the others: ketchup, mayo, mustard, tomato, lettuce, etc. J-San ordered a cheese burger and a soda and I ordered a cheese burger, an small order of fries and a soda. I will admit that I had a moment of despair when J-San showed up at our table only 5 minutes after we ordered and sat down with her order and her sandwich was wrapped in aluminum foil... (Flashback: In my past experience, any eating establishment that serves food in alum-foil is questionable...almost too scary to open much less eat- way too "homemade" for me!) But, when she unwrapped her cheese burger, all worries vanished...
Then, my order was called... I opened up my foil and met the largest most inviting burger in my 34 years...
The mushrooms and onions were the best toppings dripping on a two-patty beef burger with cheese, lettuce, and tomato. I was in heaven! And the fries were definitely Idaho potato cut fries (just like Memaw's)... The small fries order was TOO much for both of us to split!
Overall rating: 5 out of 5
Pros: THE best burger I have ever eaten away from home (yes, even more than The Vortex!, free toppings are the bomb, real potato fries and free refills on the coke products, oh and they have roasted peanuts in the shell to snack on while you wait for your meal
Cons: A little pricey for lunch ( not a $ 5 or so meal) With fries and soda it was $ 9+, I do not EVEN want to know the caloric intake from this meal...
(For those of you who live in Cobb County or those who do not want to make the trip up to Buford, Mike and I saw one of these off Holcomb Bridge Rd. near Alpharetta Hwy in Alpharetta a couple of weeks ago- go check it out!)
Friday, August 24, 2007
Kelly Bueller's Day Off
So Tuesday we spent the day goofing off in the city in celebration of my birthday... yes, it was a perfect day... just me and my husband playing hooky. We treated ourselves to lox and bagels at Einstein's for breakfast. Then, we ventured down into the city for a nice tour of the Botanical Gardens... considering it was 110 degrees outside, I really liked hanging out in the cool Andes Mountains plants area... it was only 50 degrees or so in there and felt REALLY nice...
Overall the BG reminded me of Callaway Gardens from back home... it was also similar to the BG we visited in St. Lucia on our honeymoon last year. Next, we dined on sushi at a midtown eatery (referred by Carey- thanks!)... and then we made the trip into downtown to tour the Aquarium... we really enjoyed the ocean exhibit... that tank of ocean life is HUGE!!
That was definitely my favorite part of the whole place... Cons: overpriced, way too many people, seemed very mall-like, needs more exhibits and less gift shops...
We then cruised home and then topped the night off with some mountain biking up at Big Creek Park in Alpharetta... what a great 34th birthday...
Overall the BG reminded me of Callaway Gardens from back home... it was also similar to the BG we visited in St. Lucia on our honeymoon last year. Next, we dined on sushi at a midtown eatery (referred by Carey- thanks!)... and then we made the trip into downtown to tour the Aquarium... we really enjoyed the ocean exhibit... that tank of ocean life is HUGE!!
That was definitely my favorite part of the whole place... Cons: overpriced, way too many people, seemed very mall-like, needs more exhibits and less gift shops...
We then cruised home and then topped the night off with some mountain biking up at Big Creek Park in Alpharetta... what a great 34th birthday...
Thursday, August 23, 2007
What’s Wrong with “The Wrong Place at the Wrong Time”?
I wanted to share this article with you all... it was on the front of the church bulletin for the First United Methodist Church in Pine Mountain... the Preacher wrote this for the congregation (as he does an article each week I am sure)... most of you know my history regarding the life of Jamie Bishop, a grade school classmate from my hometown of Pine Mountain. He was a smart, wonderful young man that touched the lives of so many people during his short life on this Earth (including mine)... may God bless his vast circle of friends and family...
.....................................
Those of us in the Pine Mountain First UMC family, along with people around the country, are painfully aware of the tragedy that occurred on the Virginia Tech Campus in April. Last Tuesday, Good Morning America aired a segment that was an interview with Mike and Jeri Bishop, the parents of Jamie who was killed on the Blacksburg campus. The Bishops shared good, heartfelt thoughts. In the course of the interview, President Bush was shown addressing the tragedy saying, “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Mike and Jeri reasserted that the students and faculty who were killed or injured were actually in the right place at the right time. They were where they were supposed to be, doing what they were supposed to be doing. I want to take a moment to look at exactly what’s wrong with the phrase “the wrong place at the wrong time.” Maybe it can help us all to learn and grow and be more understanding.
I offer a disclaimer at the outset that my thoughts that follow are not aimed at discrediting or disrespecting the President of the United States. I am merely citing words, common words, that most of us have used at one time or another, which he used publicly while addressing the nation about this tragedy.
First of all, “the wrong place at the wrong time” is not comforting to someone who is grieving. There is a morbid and foreboding emptiness in the words. They simply offer no level of hope to grab on to. Hope and consolation is what we want when we grieve. When we face loss, there is no greater hope and consolation than to know that God is still God, God is still good, God still loves you, and nothing the world can do to you can ever take away what Jesus Christ has done for you on the Cross of Calvary. This is precisely the spiritual truth the Book of Job teaches. No matter how bad life treats you, God is still God, still there, still loving and guiding, still in charge. There is also, of course, great hope and consolation in believing in the eternity of the soul. The Bible boldly proclaims that the soul lives on after bodily death. That means that the vital essence of the individual person, is, in fact, not dead, but alive forever and the believer is in close proximity with Jesus in Heaven with all the saints who have gone before. Now THAT is comforting! “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time” simply is not.
Secondly, it is a poor choice of words. We all want to offer words of hope and encouragement to someone who has lost a loved one. “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time” is a euphemism and, like all euphemisms, is meant to help downplay or soften the emotional weight of an event or circumstance. But euphemisms also run the risk of being insensitive to people who are hurting.
Lastly, “they were in the wrong place at the wrong time” is wrong because in many cases it is, in fact, not a true statement at all. In this case, as Mike and Jeri told America, the students and faculty were in precisely the right place at precisely the right time doing precisely what they were supposed to be doing. The Bishops took the time and care to encourage young people in this country to continue to go to their classes in school. Don’t let this tragedy deter you in the pursuit of your life’s direction. Euphemisms might be colloquial, convenient, even comfortable to say, but they often ignore or deny the truth of the underlying subject.
I don’t know about you, but for these reasons, (you can likely think of others), I will think again before using this euphemism. I struggle right now to think of a case where “wrong place at the wrong time” would actually be the right thing to say. Thank you Mike and Jeri for your Christ-centered spirit, your strength through this ordeal, and the wisdom you share with us all. Your church family loves you and is always here for you.
Your Pastor and Friend, Mark
.....................................
Those of us in the Pine Mountain First UMC family, along with people around the country, are painfully aware of the tragedy that occurred on the Virginia Tech Campus in April. Last Tuesday, Good Morning America aired a segment that was an interview with Mike and Jeri Bishop, the parents of Jamie who was killed on the Blacksburg campus. The Bishops shared good, heartfelt thoughts. In the course of the interview, President Bush was shown addressing the tragedy saying, “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Mike and Jeri reasserted that the students and faculty who were killed or injured were actually in the right place at the right time. They were where they were supposed to be, doing what they were supposed to be doing. I want to take a moment to look at exactly what’s wrong with the phrase “the wrong place at the wrong time.” Maybe it can help us all to learn and grow and be more understanding.
I offer a disclaimer at the outset that my thoughts that follow are not aimed at discrediting or disrespecting the President of the United States. I am merely citing words, common words, that most of us have used at one time or another, which he used publicly while addressing the nation about this tragedy.
First of all, “the wrong place at the wrong time” is not comforting to someone who is grieving. There is a morbid and foreboding emptiness in the words. They simply offer no level of hope to grab on to. Hope and consolation is what we want when we grieve. When we face loss, there is no greater hope and consolation than to know that God is still God, God is still good, God still loves you, and nothing the world can do to you can ever take away what Jesus Christ has done for you on the Cross of Calvary. This is precisely the spiritual truth the Book of Job teaches. No matter how bad life treats you, God is still God, still there, still loving and guiding, still in charge. There is also, of course, great hope and consolation in believing in the eternity of the soul. The Bible boldly proclaims that the soul lives on after bodily death. That means that the vital essence of the individual person, is, in fact, not dead, but alive forever and the believer is in close proximity with Jesus in Heaven with all the saints who have gone before. Now THAT is comforting! “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time” simply is not.
Secondly, it is a poor choice of words. We all want to offer words of hope and encouragement to someone who has lost a loved one. “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time” is a euphemism and, like all euphemisms, is meant to help downplay or soften the emotional weight of an event or circumstance. But euphemisms also run the risk of being insensitive to people who are hurting.
Lastly, “they were in the wrong place at the wrong time” is wrong because in many cases it is, in fact, not a true statement at all. In this case, as Mike and Jeri told America, the students and faculty were in precisely the right place at precisely the right time doing precisely what they were supposed to be doing. The Bishops took the time and care to encourage young people in this country to continue to go to their classes in school. Don’t let this tragedy deter you in the pursuit of your life’s direction. Euphemisms might be colloquial, convenient, even comfortable to say, but they often ignore or deny the truth of the underlying subject.
I don’t know about you, but for these reasons, (you can likely think of others), I will think again before using this euphemism. I struggle right now to think of a case where “wrong place at the wrong time” would actually be the right thing to say. Thank you Mike and Jeri for your Christ-centered spirit, your strength through this ordeal, and the wisdom you share with us all. Your church family loves you and is always here for you.
Your Pastor and Friend, Mark
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Moving South, Summer 2007
Someone sent me this email yesterday and I had to share since it made me laugh out loud! It is a diary of an out-of-state person moving to Atlanta in the summertime- pretty funny- Enjoy! -k
A Diary Review: Moving South, 2007
May 30, 2007 :
Just moved to Atlanta, Georgia from Chicago, Illinois.
Now, this is a city that knows how to live!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place!
I watched the sunset from a park while lying on a blanket.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my home.
I love it here.
June 14, 2007 :
Really heating up.
Got to 95 degrees today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30, 2007:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks. The yard is a breeze to maintain!
No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but
I love living in Atlanta.
July 10, 2007 :
The temperature hasn't been below 97 degrees all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least it's kind of windy, but getting used to the heat and
humidity is taking longer that I expected.
July 15, 2007:
Fell asleep by the pool.
(Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson, though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20, 2007:
Morgan (our cat) snuck into the car before I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery.
I told the kids that she ran away.
The car now smells like Kibbles and shits.
I learned my lesson, though. No more cats in this heat.
July 25, 2007:
The wind sucks.
It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!
And it's hot as hell!
The home air-conditioner is on the fritz,
and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and
tell me he needed to order the parts.
July 30, 2007:
Been sleeping outside by the pool naked for 3 nights now.
The monthly house payment is $1,500 and I can't even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?
August 4, 2007:
It's 105 degrees...again! Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today
for a cost of $900.
The temperature gets down to 78 degrees, but this freaking
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95 degrees.
I hate this stupid city.
August 8, 2007:
If another wise ass person cracks, "Hot enough for
you today?" I'm going to choke him to death. Damn heat; 107 today.
By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes
are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!
August 9, 2007:
Tried to run some errands after work.
Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car.
I thought my ass was on fire.
I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
August 10, 2007:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny.
It's been too hot to do anything for two damn months,
and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert?
Water rationing will be next, so I might as well watch $1,700
worth of cactus just dry up and blow into the damn pool.
Not even cactus can live in this damn heat.
August 14, 2007:
Welcome to HELL!!!
The temperature got to 111 degrees today.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Freaking South.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?
A Diary Review: Moving South, 2007
May 30, 2007 :
Just moved to Atlanta, Georgia from Chicago, Illinois.
Now, this is a city that knows how to live!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place!
I watched the sunset from a park while lying on a blanket.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my home.
I love it here.
June 14, 2007 :
Really heating up.
Got to 95 degrees today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30, 2007:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks. The yard is a breeze to maintain!
No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but
I love living in Atlanta.
July 10, 2007 :
The temperature hasn't been below 97 degrees all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least it's kind of windy, but getting used to the heat and
humidity is taking longer that I expected.
July 15, 2007:
Fell asleep by the pool.
(Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson, though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20, 2007:
Morgan (our cat) snuck into the car before I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery.
I told the kids that she ran away.
The car now smells like Kibbles and shits.
I learned my lesson, though. No more cats in this heat.
July 25, 2007:
The wind sucks.
It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!
And it's hot as hell!
The home air-conditioner is on the fritz,
and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and
tell me he needed to order the parts.
July 30, 2007:
Been sleeping outside by the pool naked for 3 nights now.
The monthly house payment is $1,500 and I can't even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?
August 4, 2007:
It's 105 degrees...again! Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today
for a cost of $900.
The temperature gets down to 78 degrees, but this freaking
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95 degrees.
I hate this stupid city.
August 8, 2007:
If another wise ass person cracks, "Hot enough for
you today?" I'm going to choke him to death. Damn heat; 107 today.
By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes
are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!
August 9, 2007:
Tried to run some errands after work.
Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car.
I thought my ass was on fire.
I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
August 10, 2007:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny.
It's been too hot to do anything for two damn months,
and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert?
Water rationing will be next, so I might as well watch $1,700
worth of cactus just dry up and blow into the damn pool.
Not even cactus can live in this damn heat.
August 14, 2007:
Welcome to HELL!!!
The temperature got to 111 degrees today.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Freaking South.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
A Quick Trip to Hawaii?
So I made another trip to visit my Grandmother this past Friday afternoon.... I left work early, fought Friday afternoon traffic all the way through downtown, and hurried to pick her up by 4pm. We had a couple of errands to run before 5pm and we had to be back in time for the 5:30pm Hawaiian Luau at the assisted living center. Yes, I attended my first Senior Hawaiian Luau... not quite what I expected... lots of folks sporting Hawaiin shirts, a couple of people wearing straw skirts... but the highlight of the night was the hula-hoop contest- definitely a gut-buster from all of the laughing at the poor souls swindled into participating in that activity. The tropical buffet of food and desserts was delicious and it was over almost as quickly as it started. I had this great idea of taking her shopping at the local mall after the Luau but, she was nodding off by 7:30pm. So we went to bed around 9pm... I brought my sleeping bag and camped out in front of the A/C and attempted to fall alseep. Well let me tell you.. sleep was just not in the stars for me this night... Every 10 minutes or so the A/C would shut off and the room but be burning hot and then when it ran, the room was freezing cold. If I got inside the sleeping bag, I would be blazing hot, but if I slept on top of it, I froze. And then there was the ants! Yes, ants. About every 5-10 minutes something would be crawling on my arm or my foot or my leg or my hand... this went on and on and on until about 1:00am and then I just could not take it any more.... I gave up and went to get in the bed with my grandmother. Now remind you, this is a double bed with two adults- she is wearing full flannel pajamas and covered under 3 blankets and me wearing shorts and tee shirt and sleeping on top of the bed covers. My grandmother is pretty frightening-looking when she is asleep too- she looks almost deathly... I kept wanting to shake her just to make sure she was alive. She woke me up at 3:15am to ask if it was time to get up yet- and then she did finally wake and rise at 6:30am... Oh what a night! Breakfast was amusing considering how much the elderly residents stared at me throughout the entire meal- must be the age difference or else I just looked THAT bad the morning after!? Later that morning we went and did some shopping at a couple of stores and then I left her... I always hate to leave her...
Friday, August 17, 2007
Growing Old Has Never Been So Funny
In light of my Caregiver responsibilities these days and the fact that I can relate to most of these stages in some way or another, I wanted to share with you this email that someone sent me earlier this week. It really made me laugh out loud to say the least...
Wal-Mart
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you do the following.
In your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".
In your 60's: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
In your 90's: Stop what you are doing.
Wal-Mart
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you do the following.
In your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".
In your 60's: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
In your 90's: Stop what you are doing.
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